


Poison Prince and Brave Princess - Part I

by Leichenengel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comfort, Despair, F/M, Falling In Love, Fondling, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Kissing, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Regret, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 14:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6333148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leichenengel/pseuds/Leichenengel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lillian Ellen Block is an ordinary young woman with an ordinary life and more or less ordinary interests. She looses herself in fictional worlds when reading books and yearns to be more than just ordinary until that one fateful evening where she went to bed and found herself and her bed standing in the boys dormitory of the Gryffindor first year students the next morning...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello.
> 
> So this is my first try in writing a fanfiction this long. I have written fanfictions years ago but they weren't all that great plus not that long. I'm actually not someone who writes fanfictions a lot. If I do then it is mostly due to not being able to forget about certain events or characters in a story. So I tend to write my own thoughts down whenever that happens.
> 
> This story is the outcome of pondering about how Snape would react if a woman resembling his forever beloved Lily was suddenly stepping into his life. While I was watching the movies and reading the books I was sort of smitten with this tragic part of the story and couldn't help but think that he needed comfort and someone to care for him to be able to overcome the shadows of the past.
> 
> I chose to go with the timeline of the past since the books were already finished at that time and Snape was dead, so since I tend to follow the actual happenings as accurate as possible there was no way I could have put this into a timeline after the defeat of Voldemort.
> 
> As for the continuation of this story: It's been quite a while ago since I wrote it and while I was pretty eager to continue this 'saga' throughout the other books this story didn't meet with much of response I sort of lost interest. I however decided to republish the story here to see if I would meet with more response. Currently I am writing another fanfiction about a completely different topic, but if this story becomes more popular I might decide to actually really continue it.
> 
> Comments and Bookmarks are greatly appreciated and everyone who does one or more of these things has my thanks.
> 
> Have fun reading c:

**Prologue**

Lillian Ellen Block was an usual young woman of twenty five winters. Her height was average and her shapes a bit lumpy. Her hair was long to her blade bones, smooth, wavy and red and along with her light skin tone it underlined her bright green eyes. Her eyes actually were most unusual, because they were of such an almost unnatural pure green. Sometimes she looked into the mirror and thought she was a witch. But unfortunately she wasn't. Unfortunately she was just an ordinary human being.

Lillian lived in a small apartment with only one room, a small kitchen, a tiny hall and a small bathroom, but that was actually enough for her. She even had a narrow balcony where she grew some herbs and flowers. But Lillian was lonely. With only very few friends who all didn't live very close to her she spent most of her time with her computer or by reading books or watching movies. Whenever she finished a book she felt the deep desire of just vanishing from the real world to live within a book, as a witch or a detective or maybe even a princess or heroine. But that of course was more than impossible.

So it happened that she started to read all the wonderful Harry Potter books again. She actually knew the story by heart but after a few years, maybe two, you could just read them again and still find them amazing and entertaining. So this was already the fifth time she read them. It didn't even take her a full week to finish them all. The last book always made her feel rather melancholic. She wasn't one of those fan girls and felt somewhat too old to have a favourite character or favourite couple, but this thing about Snape and Lily was somehow tragic and made her feel very sorry for his fate.

When she went to bed on a Friday evening after finishing the seventh book she was lying awake and thought, that it must be wonderful to be a part of those books, to be part of this fantastic world full of magic, adventure and emotional embroilment. Before she fell asleep she wondered if there was a way to comfort the characters, especially Snape, even though she never overly liked him, at least not until now.


	2. The woman in the boy dormitory

**The woman in the boy dormitory**

After a night full of dreams about the books she was woken up by seldom pokes and whispers around her. She turned around lying on her back her eyes still closed.

"Woah..." she heard a very young male voice say.

"It...it's a...a woman..." said another young male voice.

The whispers died out suddenly when she decided to squint carefully. There were five shadows around her bed. One second, five shadows around her bed? She quickly flung her eyes open and stared around. She wasn't in her flat anymore. She wasn't even sure to be anywhere close to home. The room she was in was circular and had a very high ceiling. The walls were built of greyish and old bricks that reminded of a castle. The five shadows around her bed were boys, maybe between 10 and 12 years old. One of them was black.

"Wow..." said a red-haired boy on the left side and eyeballed her not even trying to hide his curiosity. She knew this boy from somewhere but she couldn't yet remember where from.

Lillian examined them all one after another feeling like an animal in the zoo and then gulped as she reached the last of them. That boy was slender with messy black hair, glasses and as green eyes as herself. But the thing that frightened her most was the scar on his forehead shaped like a lightning-bolt. It hit her like an anvil and her guts felt like they were knotting up in her body.

"H...Harry...P...Potter..." she stammered and gulped. Harry himself was totally caught by surprise so he didn't answer, he just stared at her. Her eyes wandered from one face to the other quickly her face more and more a grimace of total astonishment. It was quite obvious that the other boys could only be his dormitory mates. The red-haired one was almost certainly Ron Weasley, Harry's best friend.

"Who...who are you?" a shy voice finally asked her. It was the round-faced boy next to Harry and in her opinion that could only be Neville Longbottom.

She opened her mouth to answer but no words came out so she closed it again just to give it another try a few seconds later, again no success. She then slowly shook her head and pulled her blanket over her face, closed her eyes and breathed in and out deeply several times.

"It's just a wicket dream, it's a dream..." she mumbled and counted to ten slowly. Finally she moved the blanket away from her face again and then opened her eyes slowly. She was still in this room and there were still these boys around her.

"He asked you something" said Harry in a voice that told that he was trying to be very brave.

She looked at Neville and took a deep breath again. "My name is Lillian" she finally said with all calmness she was able to gather.

The boys looked at one another and then Harry nudged Neville and whispered something. Neville nodded slowly and turned around to leave the room. He went over to a spiral staircase and as soon as he was gone Lillian was able to hear a young female voice asking:

"Good Morning Neville. What happened, why are you so pale?"

"There...there is a woman...in...in our dormitory..." he answered with a trembling voice.

"A woman? In the boy dormitory?" asked the girl with a hint of suspicion and concern in her voice.

A minute later there were steps outside and a girl with bushy brown hair in black robes entered the room. Lillian now was totally lost for words. But so were the boys around her bed. Only the girl stared at her with a piercing look and then turned around leaving the room again without saying a word. Approximately ten minutes later there were steps again and a severely looking woman in a midnight-blue cloak and a pointed hat in the same colour entered the room followed by Neville and the girl with the bushy hair.

"Go down into the Great Hall – now!" she ordered the boys and the girl, who in Lillian's opinion could only be Hermione Granger, and followed them down the spiral staircase. Apparently she wanted to make sure they really left the tower.

"But Professor can't we wait in here?" Lillian heard Harry ask but the woman only said:

"No Potter – you will go into the Great Hall!"

After a short moment she finally returned, her wand drawn to stand at the foot of the bed. Then she suddenly dropped the wand onto the mattress and quickly picked it up again without taking her eyes off Lillian. Staring at her with a, for some reason, unbelieving expression on her face she eventually spoke, her voice was calm but Lillian could hear the worried undertone in her voice.

"Lily?"

Lillian raised an eyebrow. Did this woman, who was obviously no one less than Minerva McGonagall the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts and the Head of Gryffindor House, call her 'Lily'? All of a sudden there were a lot of wild theories in her head about what this was all about but the only thing that was actually plausible was that this was a wicked dream. Slowly she sat up in her bed and looked around the room shortly before looking back at McGonagall again. She apparently really was in the first year boy dormitory of Gryffindor with its four-posters. Only she seemed to have her own bed with her that was standing where there was the most space in the room. She took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Yes and no." Now McGonagall raised her eyebrows but remained silent. "My friends call me Lily yes, but my real name is Lillian Ellen Block. I can't tell you why I am here and how it is even possible, but I know where I am and who you and the others are."

She must sound totally hilarious the way she said this but it was the truth. McGonagall seemed to be lost for words. She just went on looking at her with this unbelieving expression on her face. After a while, as if she wanted to check if Lillian was telling the truth, she asked:

"Where are you and who am I?" Her voice was quivering with excitement.

"I am in the first year boy dormitory of Gryffindor within the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. You are Professor Minerva McGonagall the Head of Gryffindor House and Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts. The subject you are teaching is Transfiguration." For some reason Lillian's voice was totally calm as she said this. Actually she even sounded as if she had just read all this from an official letter.

McGonagall stared at her half excited and half worried then she breathed in deeply, swung her wand and a ghost-like creature shaped like a cat appeared. Lillian knew that this was a corporal patronus. The cat disappeared through the wall. No five minutes later a phoenix patronus appeared and said with the voice of a wise old man:

"Please meet me in my office and bring her with you." Then the patronus dissolved in the air.

"Was that the patronus of Professor Dumbledore?" Lillian asked and with another worried and unbelieving look McGonagall nodded. "Well he said to bring me around with you to his office but I unfortunately have nothing but this pyjama to wear..." she continued and finally got up from her bed. Professor McGonagall took another deep breath, swung her wand once again and suddenly Lillian was wearing a common jeans, a common T-Shirt, socks and even shoes. Also her hair was brushed and flew softly over her shoulders.

"Follow me," said Professor McGonagall and walked out of the dormitory down into the empty common room "and no word until we are there."

Lillian silently followed McGonagall through the common room and the portrait of the fat woman through different corridors and down several staircases to the third floor where they stopped in front of the stone gargoyle that led up to Dumbledore's office.


	3. The wondrous story

**The wondrous story**

"Lemon drop" said McGonagall and the stone gargoyle moved aside to reveal the spiral staircase that led to the office. Lillian followed McGonagall onto the staircase that started to move like a very slow carousel and transported them upwards. When the staircase stopped they were standing in front of a closed door. McGonagall knocked and a wise old voice said:

"Come in."

They entered the room. Behind the enormous wooden desk with the claw-feet he sat. Quickly Lillian looked around as far as possible from where she was standing and recognised the cabinet that contained Dumbledore's pensieve and then she looked back at him again. He stood up from his chair and eyed her in the same unbelieving way like McGonagall had already done.

"You didn't exaggerate Minerva," he said slowly looking from Lillian to McGonagall and back. "She really bears a striking resemblance to Lily." With a sigh he sat down on his chair again and offered Lillian the one opposite of him. Lillian sat down still silent. She didn't want to say anything unless she was asked. Dumbledore looked at her for a moment and then finally said something again.

"Who are you and how did you get here?"

Lillian took a deep breath and prepared for having to tell all the things that were on her mind, but first of all she would answer these questions. "My name is Lillian Ellen Block and if I knew how I got here I might also know how to get back." She now felt very tense and unsettled. She knew that the story she was going to tell as soon as she was asked the right questions would sound far-fetched not to mention completely nuts. And it didn't take long until the appropriate question was asked, but this time it was McGonagall.

"You said you know who we are and you clearly proved that you know where you are. Are there other things you know about us or this school?"

"Well, a lot more I dare say. Even about what is currently hidden within this school." Lillian chose her words well. Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore exchanged worried looks before Dumbledore spoke again.

"Wherefrom do you know all these things?" His blue eyes met hers and she gulped slightly before she took another deep breath.

"You are all characters in a book series that is very popular in the world I come from. Therefore I know almost everything and everybody. I know that the Sorcerer's Stone of Nicholas Flamel is currently hidden in another part of this corridor. Also I know that it is guarded by Fluffy the three-headed dog that was raised by Hagrid and can only be overcome by playing music to make him fall asleep. The next guard, spent by Professor Sprout, is a devil's snare that can be overcome by setting it on fire or casting sunlight. Then there are the enchanted keys, the giant chess game and the troll, the room with the potion riddle and the chamber with the Mirror of Erised – that is not yet positioned there." Lillian paused as the eyes of Dumbledore and McGonagall got wider and wider. "But no worries I won't tell anyone" she assured. Dumbledore and McGonagall exchanged worried looks again before once again Dumbledore spoke.

"You are very well informed indeed," he said with a severe but calm voice "And the story you told about us being characters in a book...well..." He paused for a moment not taking his eyes off Lillian. After what seemed like half an eternity he continued. "It sounds very far-fetched, even though your knowledge about certain things is very odd but yet very interesting. I wonder if there are more things you know about the happenings in past and future."

"Do you want a short summary of my knowledge or the long version?"

"Well,...I think a short summary should be enough." He exchanged another look with McGonagall who just nodded silently.

"Eleven years ago a boy named Harry James Potter was born. When he was one year old his parents were killed by the dark wizard Lord Voldemort, formerly known as Tom Marvolo Riddle, because of the fragment of a prophecy. When he wanted to kill Harry, who was protected by the love of his mother, the deadly curse fell back on him and he vanished being neither alive nor dead. Since that day Harry carries the lightning-shaped scar on his forehead." She paused and saw a blank stare on Professor McGonagall's face and an impressed twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes. Before she fell silent again she added: "About future happenings I rather don't want to say something even though I know about everything that is going to happen from Harries first up to the last year. I know that his fate is to die."

Professor McGonagall widened her eyes and threw a questioning look at Dumbledore who said nothing for a moment. He just leaned back and gazed out of the window.

After another half eternity of silence he finally looked back at Lillian with a faint smile. "I'm in favour of believing you -"

"But Albus -" McGonagall started but fell silent as Dumbledore looked at her.

"Minerva we both listened to what this young woman just said. Did you notice any mistakes?" McGonagall shook her head, frowned and Dumbledore moved his eyes back to Lillian's face. "I'm in favour of believing you. And about future happenings -"

"Professor" Lillian interrupted, "I think that, like not having to be seen by oneself when using a time turner, it is better not to tempt people to change important happenings in the future just because they know about them. Therefore I decided to not tell about the future."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and then smiled a bit more. "A very wise lady we've got here."

"Thank you, Sir." Lillian said and sighed in relief of not being forced to say more than necessary. "So, uhm, may I leave now?"

"Of course not" said Dumbledore with a smile and then looked at Professor McGonagall. "Minerva? Would you please go and fetch Mr. Potter?"

"Of course, Albus..." she answered but a hint of displeasure was hidden in her voice.

She left the office and not less than fifteen minutes later she came back leading Harry into the office. Dumbledore got up from his chair, conjured another chair in front of his desk with a swing of his wand and offered it to Harry, who had an awestruck yet confused expression on his face. When he had sat down Dumbledore spoke.

"I want to introduce you to our new resident Lillian Ellen Block." Lillian didn't believe her ears but she remained silent to listen to what Harry was brought here for. "After clarifying the curious circumstances of her sudden appearance I want to test if she is able to do magic."

"Don't you think that this...test...could be dangerous, Albus?"

"From what I know I am just a Muggle." Lillian said feeling a bit odd at the thought that she could be able to do magic. But Dumbledore neither seemed to be interested in replying to McGonagall nor in replying to Lillian.

"Mr. Potter would you please lend Miss Block your wand to let her perform a spell?"

Harry handed Lillian his wand and she took it. "Uhm and what am I supposed to cast?"

Dumbledore smiled faintly. "What about something simple?"

"Err...alright." Lillian thought for a moment to remember some of the spells that were mentioned in the books and decided to keep it simple as suggested. She looked around in the office and for the first time spotted Fawkes the Phoenix who had been sitting silently on his golden perch. She smiled faintly at his sight and let her eyes wander around a bit more until her eyes spotted Dumbledore's inkwell. "Alright..." she said again, got up from her chair and then pointed the wand at the inkwell. "Wingardium Leviosa" she said and swung Harry's wand in a way which she believed would be appropriate for this spell and to her great surprise the inkwell floated into the air, trembled and then fell down and broke. "Oops..."

Dumbledore smiled and pointed his wand at the ink that was spreading over his desk and mumbled "Evanesco" and the ink disappeared. Lillian pointed Harry's wand at the broken inkwell and said "Reparo" and the inkwell was whole again.

Lillian handed the wand back to Harry with a crooked grin, sat down and then looked back at Dumbledore who was smiling broadly. "Apparently our new resident can do magic but seems to need some support and her own wand."

"But Albus –"

"Minerva?"

"Do you really thing that is advisable?"

"Yes yes indeed I think that."

McGonagall seemed to be lost for words again for a moment but then said: "But I estimate Miss Block does not have any money." She threw a look at Lillian who shook her head.

"She will get money from the fund" Dumbledore decided and McGonagall pursed her lips but didn't say anything.

"Well well" said Dumbledore with a smile. "Mr. Potter you can go. Minerva? Would you please go to Hagrid and bring him with you up here?"

McGonagall nodded stiffly and left the office for the second time.


	4. Errands

**Errands**

When she was gone Dumbledore went back to his desk again and sat down. "There are a few more things we have to agree about." He watched Lillian while she was admiring Fawkes, but she turned around as soon as he fell silent.

"That would be what?"

"Well. Since you are going to walk around the school and since you aren't a teacher but a too old student people will be asking questions."

"I see. So...what do you think I should say?"

Dumbledore gazed out of the window for a few seconds before he replied. "I think I will let everyone know the most necessary things during dinner. If anyone tries to squeeze more out of you I would prefer you don't say anything."

"Fine with me," said Lillian and was quite relieved that she did not have to explain everything again.

"Good. The next thing is – we need to decide what house you belong to even though you won't sleep in the dormitory of this house."

"Why not?"

"Well – there is no space left." Dumbledore smiled. "And maybe because you might want a quiet moment sometimes." He winked.

"Oh okay." Lillian peered up to the shelf with the Sorting Hat. Dumbledore followed her eyes.

"Yes," he said. "You will try it on. Do you prefer to do it in here or do you want to do it in front of the whole school?"

Lillian thought. "I think I will do it during dinner. Every student had to do it in front of the whole school, so will I." Dumbledore seemed to be satisfied with that decision.

"We will talk about your room after you returned from Diagon Alley."

"I think Hagrid will keep me company?" Actually she was pretty sure that that was the reason why Dumbledore asked McGonagall to go to Hagrid, but it was better to make sure.

Dumbledore smiled. "You are indeed a smart lady." Fawkes let out a silent scream as if he wanted to agree to his owner.

"There is another thing Miss Block..."

"Yes?"

"You seem to know more about this school and the people than others need to know. I would prefer if you pretend to know as few as possible."

"Of course, Sir" replied Lillian immediately. "I will pretend as if Harry is the only person I know and that I only know him because of the scar."

"Nice to see we understand each other."

The rest of the time they were waiting Dumbledore wrote something down on a piece of parchment.

Five minutes later McGonagall returned followed by Hagrid. He was as huge as Lillian had imagined him. She offered him her hand.

"Hullo" he said and took her hand to shake it but actually almost shook her whole body. Then he looked over to Dumbledore. "Professor McGonagall was so friendly to give me a short summary about the happenings Professor."

"Ah, very well Minerva. That saves us some time."

"Still he doesn't know what he is here for Albus."

Dumbledore smiled and looked at Hagrid. "Hagrid. I decided that this lady will study magic since she seems to have magic in her blood. I want you to take her to Diagon Alley and get everything listed on this piece of parchment." He handed Hagrid the parchment. "Before you will start running errands, you will have to visit the Hogwarts vault because she needs money from the fund."

Hagrid nodded slightly and cross-read the list. "Excuse me Professor, aren't there a few things missing?"

"Yes. Miss Block will only need what is listed."

"Right. How do you want us to travel?"

"Oh I guess that should be up to Miss Block." Dumbledore smirked.

"Uhm I guess the fastest way would be Floo Powder wouldn't it? I mean –since I never used a broomstick before..."

"I'm afraid I don't suit into any chimneys," said Hagrid and looked over to Dumbledore.

"Well uhm then..." Lillian scratched her head.

"Then..." Dumbledore said and looked over to Professor McGonagall. "Then Minerva will follow you behind the gates of the school and apparate into the Leaky Cauldron with you two and then back again. When everything is done you – " and he looked at Lillian. "- will come back by Floo Powder."

"But what about Hagrid?"

"Oh don't worry Miss. He has got his ways of returning." Dumbledore smirked again. "I see there are a few things you don't know about us."

Lillian nodded slowly. Indeed there was something she didn't know about since it was never really mentioned in the books. "Alright then," she finally said and then looked at Hagrid who smiled broadly.

"Off we go. Professor?" Hagrid turned to Professor McGonagall who frowned but then walked towards the door that led back to the spiral staircase. Hagrid and Lillian followed her and together they left the office.

Lillian had her little problems to keep up with Professor McGonagall and Hagrid as they hurried through the corridor, down the staircases and into the marble entrance hall over to the big portal.

"Stop!" said Hagrid and Professor McGonagall frowned again.

"What's the matter Hagrid?"

"I forgot something in my cabin."

McGonagall sighed sounding rather annoyed by now. Hagrid hurried off to his cabin and returned ten minutes later having a pink umbrella with him. They went on marching towards the school gates with the boar statues. Not long after they left the gates behind them McGonagall stopped.

"Grab one of my arms – both of you" she ordered and Hagrid and Lillian did as demanded. A second later Lillian felt like on a rollercoaster ride through a dark pipe and then she and Hagrid stood inside of a pub.

"I will see you later Miss Block. Hagrid..." said McGonagall formally and with a silent 'Plop' she disapparated again.

The people within the pub didn't seem to be surprised to see people apparating among them but yet they seemed to be rather interested who Lillian was.

"Hagrid..." said a small man with a crooked spine. "The same as always ore are you on duty again?" He then spotted Lillian and raised an eyebrow. "Who's the lady you got with you – found yourself a girl eh?" The man sniggered but Hagrid shook his head smiling.

"No Tom but yes I'm on duty again. This Lady is an acquaintance of Dumbledore. The rest is secret I'm sorry."

Tom examined Lillian for a second and then shrugged and went back behind the bar.

Hagrid and Lillian went out into the backyard with its brick wall. He counted some bricks and tipped against one of them with his umbrella and not soon afterwards the wall began to rattle and to move and revealed the little street behind it – Diagon Alley. Lillian was astonished by the view. Some people followed them with their eyes or turned their heads as they passed by walking down the cobblestone street. She felt like Harry on his first day here not knowing where to look first. After a while she spotted the high white building that projected beyond all others into the sky. She was sure that this was Gringotts – the wizard bank. They were politely bowed in by a goblin and she watched other goblins counting coins, weighing gems or writing into large books. When they had reached the middle of the hall Hagrid stopped and she almost ran into him because she didn't really look where she was going.

"Oops sorry Hagrid..." she said and gave him an apologetic smile.

He grinned. "Would you please wait here until I have collected the money from the fund?"

"Can't I come with you?"

"Nah – the Hogwarts vault is only known by the teachers, Dumbledore, me and of course the staff of Gringotts."

"I see. Then...then I will wait here. Too bad – I was actually looking forward to the cart ride." Lillian couldn't prevent the slight disappointment that swung within her voice and made Hagrid sigh.

"Sorry Miss..." he just said and went towards a goblin to be led into the vault.

Lillian watched him and a goblin walking towards a door which, she was pretty sure, led into a stony tunnel-like passageway with railway tracks on the ground. While Hagrid was gone she tried to kill time by looking around in the hall and watching the goblins doing their job. Unfortunately most of them didn't seem to be very fond of being watched and gave her piercing looks before going back to work. It felt like ages until Hagrid finally returned with a leather bag in his hand and a greenish face. She remembered that he didn't like the cart rides.

"Are you alright Hagrid?" Lillian asked with a concerned voice but Hagrid didn't reply. She followed him outside and on the staircase down to the street he took a deep breath mumbling something about wicked cart rides then he turned around to Lillian and handed her the leather bag.

"Would you mind if..."

She interrupted him with a smile. "No I don't mind if you leave me alone to cure your nausea." She giggled as a touch of surprise crawled onto Hagrids bearded face.

"Eh...alright then" he said and padded her back so she almost fell down the stairs head first but he grabbed her arm before it could happen. "Ah sorry. I always forget me strength."

"No problem."

"Listen – if I didn't pick you up somewhere in an hour we will meet here in front of the Gringotts staircase, right?"

"Okay – See you then."

Hagrid was about to hurry down the staircase when he turned around, fumbled in his cloak and pulled out the piece of parchment that Dumbledore had given him. He handed it to Lillian. "This is the list of things Dumbledore wants you to buy. You might need to buy some things second hand."

Lillian nodded and took the list.

After Hagrid was gone she slowly stepped down the staircase while reading the list.

_\- Three sets of plain work robes (black)_

_\- One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear_

_\- One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)_

_\- One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)_

_BOOKS_

_\- The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk_

_\- A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot_

_\- Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling_

_\- A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch_

_\- One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore_

_\- Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander_

_\- The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble_

_MISC_

_1 wand_

_1 telescope set_

From what she was able to remember that was almost everything that first year students needed but for some reason the equipment for potions wasn't listed. Maybe Dumbledore didn't want her to learn potions. She shrugged and decided that the first thing she was going to buy would be her wand, so she asked someone how to get to Ollivander's wand shop and a few minutes later she walked in and heard a bell rang somewhere behind the ceiling-high shelves full of long boxes. A minute later a small man with pale silvery eyes came from a room behind the shelves, apparently this was Mr. Ollivander himself. The moment he spotted Lillian, he backed away in astonishment.

"Mrs. Potter..." he muttered and then shook his head as if he wouldn't believe himself.

"No my name is Block. But I was told several times today that I bear a great resemblance with Lily Potter." Lillian felt more and more odd. She never had wasted a thought about that the way Lily was described in the books was pretty much like she looked herself.

"Indeed – the resemblance is almost frightening. Well – how can I help you Miss Block?"

"I'm here to buy a wand."

"Ah, of course you are. Forgive me I am still a little beside myself. For a moment I really thought Mrs. Potter was back..."

Lillian could hear him sighing while he guided her into the middle of the room and pulled out a tape measure that started to measure Lillian on its own while Mr. Ollivander hurried around in the shop to pull out boxed from the shelves. After the tape measure was done it just fell down and Ollivander bowed to pick it up and put it back in his pocket.

"Try this one Miss. Walnut with dragon heartstring, ten inches, flexible."

Lillian swung the wand but nothing happened. Ollivander took the wand and gave her another.

"Beech wood and Phoenix feather, eleven and a half inches, springy."

Again Lillian swung but again nothing happened. So it happened that she tried a few others until she finally felt a tickling sensation wander through her body from her wand hand as Ollivander handed her another. She swung it with closed eyes and a spray of gold and silver sparks emitted from the tip of the wand and rained down to the ground.

"Ahh, very good Miss."

"What do I have here?"

"Oak and unicorn hair, thirteen inches, supple and springy."

"Nice. As if I had already guessed it."

"So?" Mr. Ollivander seemed surprised.

"The oak is my favourite tree, the unicorn my favourite fantastic animal and thirteen is my favourite number."

"Usually personal preferences don't count within the art of wands but in this case it seemed to count, after all – The want chooses its owner." With a faint smile he took the wand, placed it back into its box and handed it back to Lillian. She paid, said goodbye and left the shop.

She went into several shops to buy the other things she needed, including a few that weren't on the list, her books second hand and on her way back to Gringotts she bought herself a coned ice cream at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor and then sat down on the first step of Gringotts' white staircase to wait for Hagrid who turned up ten Minutes later.

"Sorry I lost track of time gabbing in the Leaky Cauldron."

"No problem Hagrid" said Lillian smiling finishing her ice cream to follow Hagrid back to the pub.

Packed with things she walked towards the bar, paid Tom a few Knuts for a handful of Floo Powder and then walked towards the chimney. She spotted a jar on the mantelpiece and took a handful of very fine sand from it.

"I see you later Hagrid" she said before throwing the sand into the flames which turned emerald green. She grabbed her things and stepped into the fire saying "Hogwarts" before she felt herself turning faster and faster seeing other chimneys appearing and vanishing in blinks of seconds and then she fell out of the chimney in an office.

She saw two pair of feet and looked up seeing Professor McGonagall sitting on a chair in front of a desk. She didn't turn around to speak.

"Did you get everything you need?"

"Yes Professor."

"Excellent – Follow me." She got up from her chair instantly and helped Lillian up on her feet and even took some of the things she was packed with.


	5. Lillian's room and Sorting Feast

**Lillian's room and Sorting Feast**

They left her office and marched down the corridor, down staircases until they reached the third floor corridor again. Lillian followed McGonagall past the stone gargoyle down the corridor and around a corner. A few steps later they stopped in front of a wooden door.

"Your room" said Professor McGonagall and opened the door.

They went inside. The room wasn't very big and a bit bald with only her bed, a wooden desk, a wardrobe, an empty bookcase with three shelves and a wooden chair behind the desk. The chimney was cold, only a few logs were inside it but no fire danced upon them.

"Neat..." said Lillian but wasn't able to hide the hint of disappointment.

"I will now go and look for the headmaster and Professor Flitwick. Meanwhile you can unpack your things into the wardrobe and put your books on the shelves."

Not waiting for Lillian's answer McGonagall left her alone and the things she had been carrying on the threshold. Lillian carried it inside and closed the door. Except of the baldness the room was tidy. She now even noticed the sink with the mirror above behind the door. Beside it there were two hooks and above the hooks there was a smoothly cut niche within the stony wall to store a few things like a tooth brush with beaker, soap and a comb or hairbrush. There room itself was rectangular. Her bed had been transported from the dormitory down here and had been placed between the only two windows the room had. The wardrobe was on the left side of the door, while the desk stood not far away from the foot end of the bed close to the opposite wall between two unlit torches. The bookcase was located in the corner of the wall behind the desk and the chimney wall.

Lillian unpacked her things and neatly sorted everything on her bed before starting to put it away. The wardrobe already contained towels, wash clothes and items for personal hygiene. She hung her new robes on hangers spotting no crumb of dust within the empty shelves of the wardrobe. She would have to ask someone to conjure her some clothing beside what she was wearing over her pyjama. After ordering the course books in the bookcase someone knocked on the door.

"Yes?" Lillian walked towards the door as it opened and Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore and a small man walked in.

"Ah, Argus really did a good job" said Dumbledore looking around with a bright smile.

"Indeed Albus" said the little man with a squeaky voice.

"May I introduce Professor Flitwick to you Miss Block?" Professor McGonagall pointed at the small man who smiled.

"Nice to meet you Miss Block" he squeaked and Lillian smiled. He looked around in the room and then back at Lillian. "I was asked to make the room a bit more comfortable. What is your favourite color?"

Lillian raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Dark crimson. Why do you ask?"

But Professor Flitwick didn't reply he only swung his wand and on most of the bare walls appeared dark crimson wall hangings which looked quite fluffy. Lillian let out a sound of enjoyment.

"Do you have any favourite plants or flowers?" Professor Flitwick asked eagerly.

"Ah well," said Lillian and smiled. "I like wild roses."

And with another swing of his wand ornaments of wild roses appeared in gold and silver on the wall hangings.

"Amazing" Lillian just said really enjoying the way how Flitwick decorated her new room.

After a bunch of other questions the floor was wooden and wherever he found space Flitwick conjured room plants. He even conjured up a very comfortable looking armchair in front of the chimney. After the basic decoration and embellishment was done he smiled at Lillian. "What do you want to be done with your bed?"

"I prefer to keep my bed the way it is, but I would like to have dark thick curtains on the windows. I'm used to sleep dark."

Another charm later she had thick black curtains on each window, held back by invisible ropes and after asking for it she also got a small bedside table.

"Thank you very much Professor Flitwick."

"You are very welcome young lady" he squeaked happily. "Touch the curtains with your wand and they will open and close" he added.

"Thank you again. Uhm..." Now Lillian came to the point where it got a bit uncomfortable to ask. "I – I think I need some more clothes..." She gulped slightly and looked down on the ground. "I – I have nothing but what I wear at the moment – what is underwear, a pyjama and this conjured Jeans, T-Shirt, socks and shoes."

"That can be taken care of Miss Block, but I think it would be best if a woman would do that" said Dumbledore calmly and exchanged a look with Professor McGonagall who nodded.

"I will wait outside until you call me in" she said and Flitwick and Dumbledore said goodbye and left the room. "Please order your current clothing on your bed."

McGonagall left the room as well and Lillian undressed to then order everything neatly on her bed. Then she took a towel from the wardrobe and wrapped it around her naked body. She called McGonagall and 10 Minutes later she sorted everything that was conjured up into the wardrobe. Before Professor McGonagall had left she had told her where the bathroom was and conjured up a crate for the laundry. Lillian was told that all her clothes had name tags and that the laundry was done by house elves. Then McGonagall had left and Dumbledore had come in again to let her know, that he would meet her in the Great Hall in two hours.

After Lillian had stuffed away all the conjured clothing and even some spare new bed linen and lined up her new shoes and boots on the floor of the wardrobe she walked over to her bed and unpacked her wand. With a little trembling in her fingers she took the wand into her left hand and stroked over the polished wood gently. A few golden sparks emitted from the tip of the wand, possibly a sing for that he liked it. After a blank moment she got up and placed the wand box beside her books into one shelf and the wand on her bedside table.

There was plenty of time left until her meeting with Dumbledore so she decided to take a quick bath or shower if possible, because she wanted to be fresh and clean for the ceremony. It happened that the bathroom McGonagall had mentioned looked like one of those prefect bathrooms with a large pool-like bathtub and several taps. In no time the tub was filled with water and foam and the combination of scents smelled rather exotic. Determined not to be in the Great Hall last minute she swam through the tub a few rounds and then started washing her hair which always took a while because of the volume and the wavy structure.

An hour later she was back in her room and dressed herself in black jeans, a black T-Shirt and then threw over one of her new working robes. She still had some time left, which she knew because she had just noticed the clock on the mantelpiece of the chimney, so she decided to take the book "A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration" from the shelf and leaf through it sometimes reading the one or the other passage. When she had been in Diagon Alley she had also bought parchment, quills and an unbreakable inkwell with ink that changed its colour. The inkwell and one of the quills were placed neatly on the desk and the parchment and the other quills were sorted into the drawers of the desk.

When it was time to get ready she placed the book onto the desk and walked over to the bedside table to take her wand. She left her room and closed the door to head off to the Great Hall. She met Dumbledore halfway what was good because he lead her to the Great Hall. The more she would go this way she would keep in mind how to get there from her room. She decided to explore the castle and its corridors and staircases and the school grounds the following day.

When they went into the Great Hall it was still rather empty. There were only some few early students sitting at their house tables and Professor McGonagall, Professor Flitwick and Hagrid were already sitting at the staff table. Professor Dumbledore led Lillian into a little chamber behind the staff table. She remembered that this chamber was mentioned in the fourth book when the participants of the Triwizard Tournament were elected.

"In half an hour all students will be taking their seats on their house tables and I will hold my speech letting everyone know the most necessary things about you" said Dumbledore and smiled faintly. "I will finish my speech with the word 'Please welcome with me Miss Lillian Block' – or do you insist on your second first name?"

Lillian shook her head. "In fact I actually only name it when I think that something very formal is going on."

"Good good. When I mention my last sentence you will come out of the chamber and walk towards me."

"Do I have to say something?"

"No no – not if you don't want." Dumbledore smirked.

"Ah well no. I prefer to remain silent until I was sorted."

"Then it's decided."

Dumbledore left the chamber and Lillian heard the damp sounds of chattering and babbling as the Great Hall was filling with students and teachers. Approximately fifteen minutes later there was silence and Dumbledore began his speech.

"Good evening. I hope every one of you had a good first week. As for some of you might have already heard we have a new resident since this morning."

He paused for a moment and Lillian pressed her ear to the door not to miss anything. She heard a very damp buzzing that seemed to come from the students. She imagined how some of them were whispering. Then Dumbledore continued.

"As some of you might also already know the person who arrived in the morning is a young woman. It happens to be, that this woman was transported into our school from a parallel existing world." He paused again and Lillian was once again able to hear buzzing noises.

"After a few tests we found out, that our guest got magic abilities and so I decided she will start to have classes together with the first year students even though she is far too old." Another buzzing started but it fell silent once again.

"I hope that every one of you will welcome your new co-student in a friendly manner and help her catch up on what she had missed in the lessons this first week. And now - Please welcome with me Miss Lillian Block!"

Finally Lillian left the chamber and walked towards Dumbledore. In the corners of her eyes she noticed a teacher with black, shoulder long, greasy hair sitting close to the chamber. He went ashen in his sallow face and widened his eyes in complete astonishment and even dropped his jaws. But Lillian had no time to waste and quickly passed the staff table to go over to the podium where Dumbledore stood. A buzz of whispers went through the Great Hall as she turned around to face the students.

"Miss Block, would you please sit down on that stool?" Dumbledore pointed over to the stool with the Sorting Hat and when Lillian walked over he followed her. He picked up the hat and Lillian sat down. Dumbledore placed the hat on her head and it slit down over her eyes a bit. Immediately she heard a smart voice talking, but it wasn't Dumbledore – it was the hat.

"A bit old for going to school aren't you dear" asked the hat and immediately went on. "But I see that you need training. So, where to put you?! You are smart, no doubt about that, but I also see a lot of courage and a big heart. A tricky choice..." Lillian started to feel a bit unsettled. The house actually didn't matter to her even though she would prefer everything before Slytherin. "So you don't want to Slytherin dear" said the hat instantly. "You have talents for each of our houses but since you are so determined I think it will be best to put you in GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouted out the chosen house into the hall but it stayed silent until Dumbledore removed the hat and Lillian got up. Then hell broke loose and the Gryffindor table applauded and screamed and rejoiced so loud and even from behind her she heard the clapping of hands. She turned around to the staff table full of teachers and saw everyone smiling and clapping – everyone but one. The teacher with the long, black and greasy hair, which Lillian now finally recognised as the potion master Professor Snape. He didn't even dare to look at her. So she turned around again and walked down over to the Gryffindor table and found an empty chair between Harry and two red-headed twin boys.

"Wicked stuff. Transported from another world – that sounds like coming from a book" said one of the red-heads and offered his hand to her.

"Ehehe yeah – like from a book." She took the hand and shook it.

"I'm Fred Weasley and this is my brother George." He pointed at the second red-head.

"I'm Lillian, nice to meet you." She also shook hands with George.

"This is so amazing. Because of your arrival the school decided to have another feast. Actually the next feast would have been on Halloween." Only now that Fred said this, Lillian had noticed that the table was bending under the weight of delicious looking food. She looked down the table and recognised Ron and a few others staring at her.

"Uhm hi – I... I think we'll be having classes together from now on" said Lillian and offered Ron her hand over the table. It took him a while to shake it.

While eating she chatted with Fred and George and Ron who bombarded her with questions about the world she had come from.

"Well actually it's just like the Muggle world. I mean I'm muggle-born. I didn't know that I had magic blood until Dumbledore tested me." She glanced at Harry shortly who had been rather silent.

"Wow – you should get to know my father" said Ron and then stuffed his mouth with steak and kidney pie.

"Should I?" Lillian knew that Ron's father was crazy about Muggle artefacts but she promised Dumbledore to pretend that she knew nothing.

"Yeah he is crazy about Muggle artefacts and drives Mum crazy with it."

"I see."

During the next fifteen minutes even Harry got a bit more talkative. He and Ron offered her to help her catching up with what she had missed in the past week.

She couldn't help but to feel watched during the feast and it wasn't because of the staring students. It was more a tickling sensation that crept down her neck. She looked around and over to the staff table. Snape's glances met hers and he let his fork fall onto his plate and spilled his robes with sauce. Quickly he looked away. Lillian raised an eyebrow and went on eating.

"What's the matter Lillian?" asked Ron who had noticed the hint of concern on her face.

"Ah nothing I just..." she shortly glanced over to Snape again but he seemed to force himself to pay attention to his plate. "It's just about that teacher with the greasy hair..."

"Oh you mean Snape? He's a rotten sod. He hates almost every student but those of his own house."

"I...see..."

"You will get to know him on Monday morning in the potions class."

"I'm afraid I won't." Lillian knew that the only class she wouldn't participate was potions and she had a very vague idea of the reason.

"You are kidding me." Ron eyeballed her as if he expected her to say that she was joking but she just shook her head.

"No. I will be having all classes but potions. For some reason Dumbledore doesn't seem to want me to study potions." She shrugged.

After the feast Fred and George invited her to join the little party they were going to establish in the Gryffindor common room and she decided that it was the best way to distract her from the odd feeling about Snape.


	6. Explorations

**Explorations**

After the party she had her issues to find back to her room. And Peeves didn't help either. When she finally managed to find the third corridor it was way past midnight. Again she decided it was a good idea to explore the castle and the school grounds the next day. She walked down the corridor the moon shining through the windows and her wand emitting a bit of light. When she was about to pass by the stone gargoyle it swung to the side and Snape stepped into the corridor mumbling "Lumos". The tip of his wand lighted up the moment he noticed Lillian's lighted wand. A sudden bewildered expression appeared on his face and he widened his eyes to then narrow them not keeping them off Lillian. She felt another wave of concern and unease rumbling within her. The moment she finally decided to say something Snape just shook his head in disbelief and rushed down the corridor out of sight.

Lost in thoughts she reached for her room and wanted to open the door, but it wouldn't open. Then she remembered that Dumbledore had put a password on the door. "Magic Mystery" she whispered and the door lock clicked and she went in. The room was almost dark. No fire was in the chimney but the rays of moonlight shone through the windows. She undressed and folded her clothes neatly on the armchair and then got into her pyjama. She touched the curtains with her wand to close them and placed the wand on her bedside table as she crawled into bed. It took her a while to fall asleep even though it was pitch-black in the room with curtains closed. The more she moved around the thoughts in her head, the vague idea of why Dumbledore didn't want her to have potions class became more and more a certainty. Adding the behaviour of Snape towards her only made this certainty kind of sad. And once again she wondered if there was a way to comfort him, before she eventually fell asleep.

As she woke up she didn't open her eyes. It had all been such a wonderful and mysterious dream that she didn't want to let it go. After a few minutes she finally sighed and opened her eyes. It was pitch-black. Did she sleep through the day? She sat up on her bed and felt around with her hands until her heart started to jump as she didn't feel her own bedside table to her right but a small wooden one on her left. On that table was a long and smoothly polished wooden stick. She gasped and grabbed the stick and immediately felt the warmth and the tickling sensation running through her body again. So it hasn't been a dream. She poked the curtains on her left with her wand by leaning out of the bed and they opened letting in bright sunlight. She squinted. Apparently the curtains were bewitched in a way that they didn't let in any light when closed.

When her eyes got used to the light she got up and opened the other curtains as well. She also opened the windows to let in fresh air while she dressed. But this time she didn't pull on the working robes. She combed her hair, what took quite a while, put her wand into the pocket of her black jeans and left her room. The clock on the mantelpiece told her that it was only a quarter past ten in the morning.

She went down into the entrance hall and saw groups of students having late breakfast in the Great Hall. She decided to only have a few slices of toast and some pumpkin juice because in not even two or three hours she would have lunch again. When she had finished she went out into the entrance hall again and wondered where to start exploring. She decided it was best to start looking for the class rooms and so she turned towards the big marble staircase upwards when she heard voices behind her. She turned around again and saw Fred and George and some other people with broomsticks coming from outside.

"Good Morning" said Lillian smiling and examined their broomsticks.

"Ah Lillian. Nice to see you" said George and waved.

"Have you been at the Quidditch field?"

"Yeah – Oliver thought we should start practising as early as possible." Fred made a gesture with his head to a fifth year student who gave her a crooked grin.

Lillian smiled and then turned her head towards Fred and George again. "It must be amazing to fly on broomsticks."

Fred and George raised their eyebrows. "You never..." Fred started and then hit his forehead with his hands. "Ahh of course not...you grew up with Muggles."

Lillian nodded. "Possibly you can teach me someday."

"There will be a flying class next weekend – didn't you see the bulletin on the blackboard in the common room?"

"I apparently didn't have time to pay attention to it during the party."

"Are you on your way to the common room again?"

"No I was about to explore the way to my class rooms so I don't get lost tomorrow."

"If you follow us up to the common room we can show you around." Fred and George seemed to be very eager to spend time with her.

"Oh uhm, sure."

"Great!"

Lillian followed Fred and George up the marble staircase and tried to remember where they were going, what rooms they showed her and even some of the secret passageways they passed by. For some reason she had the impression that Fred and George tried to impress her because they were making jokes and telling funny stories during their way up into the seventh floor. In front of the portrait they fell silent and said the password to go through the hole in the wall behind it. Lillian didn't follow.

"Don't you want to come inside?"

"Nah I guess I will go back the way we've come to make sure I got it all right."

"Ah well. We will meet at lunch."

"Most likely." And the portrait swung back as Lillian turned around to go back into the entrance hall. Unfortunately she got lost a few times but found some Hufflepuff students who gave her directions so she finally arrived at the marble staircase. There was still an hour left until lunch and so she decided to walk across the grounds outside to seek the way to the greenhouses.

It didn't take her much time to find out how to get there and so she was back in the Great Hall as lunch started. The tables were already filled with food and half the hall was filled with chatting and eating students. The staff table was almost empty.

When Fred and George showed up she had already almost finished lunch and when she left the table they looked quite disappointed. Standing in the entrance hall she wondered what to do next and decided to visit Hagrid. The sun had vanished and the sky had become cloudy when she stepped out of the portal and walked down towards Hagrid's cabin. The gamekeeper was working in the school garden and his boarhound Fang laid in front of the cabin. The moment he spotted her he jumped up and barked his tail wagging.

"What's the matter Fang?" she heard Hagrid say and then he spotted her as well. He grinned and as soon as she reached for the cabin Fang jumped up her body and tried to lick her face. With gentle force she pushed Fang down and patted his head before walking towards Hagrid.

"Hullo Miss Block." He smiled.

"Call me Lillian." She smiled back and looked around. "Nice garden."

"Hehe – thank you. The pumpkins for Halloween are quite good aren' they?"

"Yeah they are awesome. How are you?"

"Very well and yerself?"

"I'm quite satisfied. Still can't believe most of the happenings. Woke up in the morning thinking it was all a dream and then found out it wasn't."

They sat down on an enormous bench behind Hagrid's cabin and talked about her world, her sorting and under laughs she told Hagrid about her presumption that Fred and George were trying to impress her. The only thing she didn't mention was her curious meeting with Snape on her way back to her room the last night. Eventually they went in and Hagrid prepared some tea and she asked him about the Forbidden Forest and what creatures lived in there and he told her about the Centaurs and Aragog. After a discussion about monsters and fantastic animals she left. The sky was still cloudy but it didn't look like it was going to rain.

It was late afternoon when she decided to go through a passageway in the entrance hall to explore the ground floor and eventually ended up walking down a dungeon corridor. She somewhat had the impression that she shouldn't be here but possibly that was only the cold atmosphere. She marched on sunken in thoughts, not really paying attention to where she was going. She was possibly close to where the potion class room must be located as she turned around a corner and crashed into someone who came from the other direction.

"Can't you pay att..." said a cold, grumpy voice but didn't finish off the sentence.

Lillian rubbed her arm and gasped in surprise as she recognised Snape.

"Sorry..." she said finally and gave him an apologetic smile.

Snape just stood there staring down at her. His black eyes were almost spearing her, his narrow lips were twitching. Lillian wasn't able to tell if meeting her made him feel angry or anxious. He just stood there as if unable to move.

"Uhm – I..." Lillian started to talk but actually she had no idea what to say. In fact she was rather afraid he might do something to her as stiff and staring he stood there.

Eventually he seemed to have gained some speaking powers but he just bellowed:

"OUT – GET OUT OF HERE – INSTANTLY."

Not needing to be told twice Lillian hurried off leaving him heavily breathing behind her. Her heart was pounding like it wanted to jump out of her chest when she finally found her way back into the entrance hall.

During dinner Fred and George tried to talk to her but she was much too sunken in thoughts to pay attention. She barely even ate something and apparently she wasn't the only one. Snape didn't even appear to have dinner. What was the matter with him anyways? Why did he at first run away from her and then frighten her almost to death? As far as she could remember she didn't do anything to him apart from the fact that she was bearing a great resemblance to Lily Evans. Possibly her sudden arrival had completely overran him.

"Are you alright?" Fred nudged her.

"What?"

"You seem to be somewhat lost."

"Eh yeah, somewhat. I remembered something and got carried away." Well that wasn't exactly a lie.

As soon as dinner was over the students streamed into the entrance hall and divided into different groups heading for their common rooms. Lillian stayed at the Gryffindor table until only some spare teachers were left at the table. They seemed to be occupied with discussing something. Slowly she got up and went into the entrance hall that was now empty. She went out of the portal and decided to have a walk down to the lake. Maybe she could watch the giant squib from that place under the beech tree. It still hadn't started raining but due to the cloudy sky it was already somewhat dark when she marched towards the lake though it was still light enough to see without needing the Lumos-charm. When she reached for the lake she saw the giant squid swimming in the middle of it and as she moved towards the beech tree she saw the profile of a person cowering under it. As she moved closer she noticed that it was Snape who had covered himself within his dark cloak and was staring onto the surface of the water. He didn't even seem to notice her as she was carefully coming closer until she stopped being only a few steps away from him. She just stood there looking down on him who obviously was in a rather miserable state of mind. She was about to decide to leave him alone when he suddenly slowly turned his head towards her, his face expressionless. To her surprise he even spoke to her.

"It seems to be fate we meet up wherever we go..." His voice was low but frighteningly calm. He then turned his head towards the lake again.

Lillian was lost for words for a moment and just stood there looking down on him. Then she turned towards the lake, sat down into the grass and pulled her legs up to her chest and closed her arms around them. She still was lost for words and so they sat there in silence until he eventually said something again.

"Leave me alone..." He obviously tried very hard to not let his voice tremble but she noticed it anyways.

"I won't" she just answered in an almost toneless voice.

"Get lost!" He sounded irritated.

Slowly she let go of her legs and turned her head towards him.

"There is space for both of us."

Snape took a deep breath and narrowed his lips before he slowly turned his head towards her once again.

"Don't dare me."

She turned her body towards him reclining on one on arm her legs lying bent on each other. "Is that a threat?"

He looked away from her quickly. This was apparently not leading somewhere pleasant. He finally got up leaning against the trunk of the beech tree crossing his arms in front of his chest staring at the lake. "Just leave me alone" he repeated trying to suppress the trembling in his voice.

She got up but instead of leaving she walked one step closer. "What is the problem?"

"No problem!"

"We both know that that is a lie." Her voice was calm but with a hint of reason.

"Whatever."

"I won't leave before you didn't answer me one question." He didn't react so a few minutes trickled off before she again said: "Well?"

He took a deep breath again and muttered something to himself. She understood that as a sign.

"Why do you always act so nervous or irritated towards me?"

Again a few minutes trickles off in silence until he eventually turned his head back to face her.

"That is none of your business."

She walked another step closer and noticed how he was pressing himself against the trunk. "Well then I guess I will have to stay."

He snorted and marched towards the lakeside. She followed him with her eyes while walking towards the tree trunk to lean herself against it. Another bunch of minutes in silence trickled off.

"Why..." he suddenly mumbled quietly and before she had time to answer he turned around to her a hint of misery on his face. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I actually wanted to watch the giant squid and – "

He interrupted her shaking his head. "Why are you here in Hogwarts?"

She shrugged. "I really don't know." She didn't take her eyes off him.

He breathed deeply again and walked another few steps towards her. She gulped a little. She wasn't able to tell what he was thinking or planning. She felt her heart beating faster and tried to look as brave as possible. But he didn't seem to want to come any closer yet. He just stood there looking at her in a way she wasn't able to decrypt, though it gave her a feeling of being x-rayed and speared up at once. A wave of unease came over her again and she hoped that she didn't look as nervous as she felt. Eventually he walked closer once again until only a few steps were between them.

"W – Why is...is it so important t-that I'm here?" she asked not being able to suppress the stammering completely.

"You make me sick."

"Then – why don't YOU leave when I'm apparently so disgusting?" She noticed the irritation in her voice and her hands clenching to fists. She even felt a wave of tears, gulped and looked away.

"I wished you WERE disgusting" he muttered.

"Then...then why do you treat me like this?" She couldn't help the choking voice.

"Because..." He fell silent once again and she turned her head towards him again still fighting back the tears. "Because you remind me of something I hate myself most for" he eventually finished.

She was lost for words once again as she stared at him who was staring down into the grass.

"I...I'm sorry" she said once again knowing that it wouldn't change anything. He only shook his head slightly.

She detached herself from the tree trunk and walked a few steps towards him but then turned to leave. Before she was able to make another step away from him he leapt forward, grabbed her shoulder, turned her towards him and pressed his lips against hers. She widened her eyes, half in shock half in astonishment, her body like petrified being unable to move. It felt like ages had passed when he finally detached himself from her breathing heavily. Then he suddenly moved one hand to his mouth, his eyes widened in shock. With no further word he fled up to the castle, as if a swarm of Acromantulas was behind him, leaving her alone feeling totally overran. She sunk down on her knees into the grass, her eyes still widened. Slowly she let out a gargling noise and tears ran down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands and cried silently.


	7. The letter

**The letter**

She didn't know how long she had been there by the lakeside. When she finally got up on her wobbly knees it was too dark to see and a grumbling sound in the distance told her of an upcoming thunderstorm. Feeling drained and befuddled she took her wand. "Lumos..." she muttered and the tip of her wand lit up. She dragged herself up to the castle entrance while the thunderstorm was rolling closer. When she entered the entrance hall a bright lightning crawled over the sky lighting up the entrance hall for seconds, not long afterwards a loud thunder followed. She closed the portal and hurried up the marble staircase. The weather actually underlined her state of mind perfectly. When she closed the door of her room behind her it started to rain. She closed the windows and the curtains, undressed and crawled into her bed without putting on her pyjama. She fell into a restless sleep full of odd dreams.

When she woke up the next morning she felt as if she hadn't slept all night. Weary and worn out she dragged herself out of bed, opened the curtains and got dressed. The clock on the mantelpiece told her that she had still plenty of time to get down into the Great Hall for breakfast. She shuffled over to her desk and saw that someone had placed a schedule on her desk onto her "A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration" book. She noticed that the first two lessons were blank. Afterwards she had double Herbology with the Hufflepuffs then lunch and in the afternoon double Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts. When she wondered how to transport her course books and other equipment she noticed a bag hanging down from the door handle. She either hadn't noticed it when she had entered her room last night or it was put there over night. She took the bag and placed everything she would need today neatly inside. Actually she wasn't very hungry. The bewildered feeling hadn't yet vanished but though she took her wand and the bag and left the room.

When she arrived in the entrance hall and walked towards the Great Hall she immediately spotted Snape sitting on his chair at the staff table. Their eyes met and instantly both of them looked away but her heart had already climbed into her throat. Not really being fully present with her mind she sat down between Harry and Fred.

"Hi Lillian" said Fred cheerfully.

"Morning..." gave Lillian back absently and tried to spread butter on an apple. She was so lost in thoughts that she accidently grabbed an apple instead of a roll.

Fred handed her a roll. "You aren't quite all by yourself this morning."

"Mhh..." she muttered and cut the roll open to then scrape the butter down from the apple onto the roll.

"Not quite a morning person, are you?" Harry handed her a jar of strawberry jam.

"I didn't sleep well..."

"Then what you need is a good coffee" said George with a smile and asked Lee Jordan to hand him the coffee pot. He then handed it over to Lillian who grabbed it and poured some coffee into her mug. She added some milk and sugar and emptied the mug without interruption.

"Blimey! Lillian!" Fred and George sure seemed to be impressed.

"Hmm?"

"Do you always drink coffee that way?" asked Ron who Lillian just yet recognized as he spoke.

"Actually not" answered Lillian and finally spread strawberry jam on her two half's of the roll.

"You should get a bit more awake until potions class" said Harry sounding a bit concerned. "Otherwise Snape will take points from Gryffindor for being so miserable, or who knows what."

As he said the name Lillian twitched a bit hoping that nobody had recognized.

"I'm not going to have potions class – I already mentioned that, didn't I?"

"Oh – ah yes I remember but that can't be true can it?" said Harry and raised an eyebrow.

Lillian fumbled unfastening her bag and pulled out her schedule to show it to Harry.

"Fair enough" he said when viewing the schedule and seeing that wherever should be potions was a blank field. He handed it back and Lillian slid it in her bag again before she went on eating though she wasn't hungry at all. For some reason she even decided to have a bowl of cereals when the owls arrived. She didn't pay much attention and began spooning in her cereals as she didn't expect to get a letter. Therefore she was surprised when an owl landed on her shoulder a minute later handing her a small letter with its beak.

"For...for me?" she asked unbelievingly and the owl dropped the letter into her lap, fluttered onto the table to batten on Lillian's cereals before flying off with the other owls. Slowly she took the letter. 'To Miss Lillian Block" was written upon it.

"Who could be writing you?" asked Ron and Fred and George tried to peer over her shoulder as she was about to open it.

"Would you please keep up the privacy of correspondence you two?" she said to Fred and George who smirked and went back starting to talk to Lee Jordan. Then she shrugged in order to answer Ron's question. Harry shuffled and turned into the other direction and distracted Ron so Lillian was finally able to open her letter without anyone gawping. She pulled a short note from the envelope but those few words made her face go pale:

_Meet me in my office tonight after dinner._

_S. Snape_

Ron who had noticed Lillian's face to go pale and her fingers clutching to the note from the corners of his eyes turned his head towards her with a concerned look in his face. "Bad news?" he asked and went on as Lillian didn't answer. "Lillian? Are you alright? You look sick."

"Ron. That isn't something a lady wants to hear" said Fred who was only listening with one ear.

"But she looks sick." Ron shrugged.

Fred turned his head towards her and nudged her shoulder. "Lillian?"

She didn't reply. Her face still pale and her heart beating elsewhere but in her chest she tried to fumble back the note into the envelope but her hands were trembling terribly so the only thing that happened was, that note and envelope fell down under the table floating over to where Ron's feet were. He bowed down to pick it up and, not that he wanted, his eyes fell upon the message.

His eyes widened and all he said was "Oh shit!"

"What's the matter?" asked Harry as Ron stuffed the note into the envelope and handed it back to Lillian.

"Snape wants to meet her in his office after dinner."

Harry gulped.

"Blimey!" said Neville and gave her the most pitiful look he could. "I'd drop dead if I got such a note" he added.

"Hey where do you go?" asked Harry when Lillian stuffed the envelope into her bag and left the table hurrying out of the Great Hall without saying a word.

She directly went out of the castle and made her way towards the green houses even though she didn't directly go there. She felt so unsettled and restless that she only tried to keep herself moving and busy in whatever way – mostly by just walking around the grounds close to the green houses. When the bells rang, telling that the ten minute break between Potions and Herbology had started, Lillian walked straight over to the greenhouses waiting for the Hufflepuff first years and the other Gryffindors to show up.

Herbology was interesting and took Lillian's thoughts away from the letter for a while. When walking back into the Great Hall for lunch she noticed that the hour glass of Gryffindor lost a great lot of points during the morning hours. Harry and Ron followed her eyes.

"Snape was really furious today" they told Lillian who now that she didn't have to pay attention to class unfortunately was brought back to that unfortunate letter. Her mind went a bit blank as she tried to eat her soup with a fork and only heard half of what they told about Potions class.

"Lillian?" Harry nudged her.

"Err...uhm yes?"

"Did you even listen?"

"To be honest – no."

"You are ashen pale again. You are really worried about tonight aren't you?" Ron made a grimace.

"Somewhat" she replied vaguely and finally grabbed a spoon.

"Anyways, maybe there is all reason to worry."

"Ron!" exclaimed Harry to make him fall silent pointing at Lillian but Ron went on.

"No seriously. I mean we are used to losing points in Potions but today was a mess. We even got taken points for breathing loudly."

"Aha" replied Lillian with a rather croaky voice and saw how Harry threw a disapproving look over to Ron.

After lunch they headed off to Transfiguration. McGonagall was strict and once again Lillian found herself distracted from Snape because she had to gather all concentration to be able to participate in class. Since she hadn't been able to catch up with last week's contents she had a few issues even though she was doing far better than Neville or Ron. Of course she wasn't even half as good as Hermione and so she resolved to catch up with everything during the week and the upcoming weekend.

Unfortunately Defence against the Dark Arts was such a joke of a lesson that she had real issues not to dwell on what would happen if she went to the meeting with Snape after dinner. She perfectly knew what was hidden under Quirrell's turban and didn't join into the laughter and giggles about his stuttering.


	8. Despair and memories

**Despair and memories**

When the bell rang she went back to her room to take away her bag and to take off the robes. As slow as possible she went down into the Great Hall getting lost on purpose two times that when she finally reached her place at the Gryffindor table the Great Hall was already packed with people.

"Where have you been so long?" asked Harry when she had sat down.

"Got lost..." mumbled Lillian and wondered if it would be a good idea to eat something.

"Still worried?" asked Ron and Lillian nodded staring down on her plate.

"In fact I've been wondering if I shouldn't go at all" she said and sighed.

"Yes you have to. Otherwise he might take more points from Gryffindor, or give us all detention or poison our breakfast tomorrow."

"Hmm..."

"Seriously – don't make things worse for either of us."

Lillian sighed deeply still not having touched any of the foods. "I guess I've got no choice eh?"

Ron, Harry and Neville shook their heads and tried to convince her to eat something. When dinner was almost finished and a lot of students already got up to return to their common room Ron pointed behind Lillian.

"It might interest you that Snape is leaving the Hall. I bet he goes to his office now."

"Aha" said Lillian again with a croaky voice without turning around.

She was still sitting at the table when everyone else had already left.

"You don't plan to spend the night here, do you?" asked Professor Sinistra when she passed by Lillian.

"What? – Oh – no – of course not!" replied Lillian hastily and hurried out of the Great Hall.

She had tried urgently to kill time but now that she was out of the Great Hall she had no other choice than to make her way down into the dungeons. Feeling like she left her heart at Gryffindor table and as if her legs were butter, instead flesh and bones, she tried to walk as slow as possible. When she finally reached for Snape's office she had a very dry mouth and her hands were sweaty.

When she turned around the corner she spotted Snape through the open door of his office sitting at his desk looking at a piece of paper in his hand. Lillian recognised the sadness and the hint of despair on his face and immediately felt somewhat more comfortable with the situation. She really had expected that he was waiting to tell her off or worse, though she wasn't exactly sure if that wasn't going to happen though, so a bit of nervousness stayed as she walked towards the office silently. She gulped silently when reaching the door and cleared her throat hoarsely. Instantly he threw the piece of paper that was most likely a photograph, into a drawer of his desk and his face went somewhat expressionless. He got up and walked around the desk.

"Come in and close the door" he instructed her tonelessly and then swung his wand towards the door: "Muffliato"

Lillian knew what this spell was good for and immediately wondered what in god's name wasn't supposed to be heard by someone. With another swing of his wand he darkened the only window in the room. He really seemed to be afraid of that someone could see or hear what was happening in here. A slight unease started to brew within Lillian's chest again. When he was done he took a deep breath and turned towards her. Lillian gulped and bit her lips and looked anywhere but right into his face. The only sound came from the flickering of the fire in the chimney behind the desk.

"About yesterday..." he eventually said and he sounded as if he was trying to put as much indifference into his voice as possible but couldn't quite manage to do so.

"Uhm..." was the only sound Lillian could say because Snape immediately waved his hand to make her fall silent.

"I...," he started and seemed to have some issues to find the right words before he eventually continued. "I got...carried away."

"Eh..." Lillian tried to wipe her sweaty hands on her jeans as inconspicuous as possible.

Snape looked away but before the curtain of greasy hair hid his face Lillian was able to catch a glimpse of the ashamed expression on his face. When he faced her again his face yet again was rather expressionless. She waited again nervously biting her lower lip as she forced herself to look at him. Eventually she found a few words to spare.

"Ca – Carried away?"

He nodded slowly.

"You..." he started and then looked away from her once again and even turned around facing the chimney. "You remind me of someone."

Lillian noticed the hint of sorrow in his voice and said "Oh."

"You – you may go now." His voice was somewhat croaky.

"Are – are you sure?" Instead of leaving she stepped towards him.

"Leave!" He swung around but instead of resentment there was an entreating expression on his face and his voice was close to breaking.

"Not yet" said Lillian suddenly feeling rather calm.

His lips were twitching but he said nothing. Instead he turned towards the fire again. Lillian noticed that his body was shaking slightly just as if he was at war with tears. She moved closer, reaching out her arm and putting it on his shoulder. In the next second she was lying on the floor. When her hand had touched his shoulder he had swung around once again pushing her away from him croaking "Don't touch me" and she, totally startled, had stumbled upon her own legs and fallen down. Petrified she stared up into his angry face and then all of a sudden he widened his eyes and fell on his knees. Caught by surprise she stayed where she was for a moment when he bent over, his face covered with his hands.

"Wh-What d-did I do..." He reeled back and forth a bit as if he was worshipping her only with his hands still in front of his face. He was apparently crying.

Still rather surprised seeing this man like this she sorted her limbs and scrambled over to kneel beside him. He looked like a picture of misery. Risking to get pushed away another time she put an arm around his shoulders. Almost instantly he raised his upper body, lowered his hands and looked at her, his face distorted in tears and despair. She felt a deep wave of compassion coming over her and she couldn't help but to reach out the other arm and to pull him into a hug. To her great surprise he didn't push her away. He only grabbed hold of her, lowered his head against her shoulder and cried. Still somewhat surprised about the whole situation and not exactly sure what to do she began patting his back with some hesitation.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." he said with a tear-distorted voice and being lost for words she only went on patting his back while keeping him embraced.

After a while he lifted his head from her shoulder and detached himself from her. She moved her arms away and drew out a clean handkerchief from the pocket of her Jeans. Without even thinking she reached out her hand for his face, lifted it up until she could look into it and stroked his hair out of his face before starting to dab away the tears from his cheeks. She didn't say a word and the whole time he looked away from her apparently feeling embarrassed. When she was done she let go of him and handed him the handkerchief so he could blow his nose. He turned away from her to do so but still sobbed a little keeping the used handkerchief close in one hand.

She just kept kneeling there looking at him, her eyes full of compassion. After a few minutes he finally took a deep breath and turned his head towards her his face still mirroring despair and sadness. When he started to speak his voice was rather weak and choked.

"You are so much like her."

"I see." Her voice was soft.

"Everything about you is so much like her..." He reached out his free hand and let some fingers stroke over her cheeks and down her neck before withdrawing them again. "Even your scent and the way your skin feels."

She knew exactly who he was talking about but she didn't know if Dumbledore had told him how much she knew so she asked: "What did happen to her?"

"She... she died." He turned his face away from her and looked onto the floor.

"I'm sorry..."

He shook his head slowly. "No. You are not the one who should feel sorry."

"Why?" Before he could answer she added "What was that thing you hate yourself most for?"

There was a long pause before he eventually replied.

"I killed her..."

"Oh...may – may I ask how that happened?"

He sighed deeply and she noticed that he was fighting tears again before he answered.

"Long story."

"I see. Well we – we could sit somewhere more comfortable."

Again there was a long pause. He still sat there like a picture of misery moving her handkerchief from one hand to the other. Finally he let out another deep sigh and without looking at her he stuffed the handkerchief into one of the pockets of his cloak and got up. Then he offered her a hand to help her up but still not looking at her. After she got up he wordlessly went out of his office and she followed him.

They just turned around a corner, past the office and directly behind it he touched the door handle of a heavy wooden door with his wand and it clicked. He went in and she followed him but stopped on the threshold hesitating to enter. The room was rather dark, had only one window and the only light came from a few torches on the walls and the fire in the chimney. Most of the walls were covered with shelves and bookcases full of books, glass and clay jars and odd instruments. The floor was covered with an old carpet in Slytherin colours and wherever there weren't bookcases or shelves the walls were decorated with scary pictures and portraits. In front of the chimney was an old green armchair and beside it an empty table. Though – this room was more comfortable than the office.

When she remained at the doorstep he turned his head around to her and she quickly stepped in and closed the door. Immediately he pointed his wand at the door again and muttered "Muffliato" before closing the heavy black curtains of the only window with another swing of his wand. With a few other tips and waves of his wand the table moved to the side and the armchair got stretched now offering space for two. He sat down now hidden behind the high backrest. She took a deep breath and followed to sit beside him. He was staring into the fire with the same expression of sadness and despair she had recognized when he was looking at the picture in his office.

For a few minutes there was silence. She felt a little uncomfortable but not because of the room flair. Rather because she felt like she was forcing him to talk about something that he had locked up inside him for all this time. Finally he sighed again deeply and as he began to speak his voice was calm but with a hint of regret.

"When I was a child there was a Muggle girl in the neighbourhood. I only watched her for a long time when she was on the playground with her sister. Her name was Lily – Lily Evans."

He paused for a while staring into the fire. Lillian remained silent and after a few minutes he went on.

"One day while I was watching them on the swings from my hiding-place I saw how she was swinging higher and higher and then how she jumped off. But she didn't fall. She flew and floated down do the ground as if she had wings. Her older sister tried to tell her off but when Lily did that trick with the flower she seemed to be rather interested in learning it herself."

He paused again and peered over to Lillian to notice that she was listening closely with a faint smile.

"I revealed myself and told her she was a witch. Her sister was apparently afraid of me and tried to convince her sister that I wasn't the right boy to make friends with. Unfortunately Lily followed her when they left the playground." He sighed again and added "I guess I shouldn't have said she was a witch right after I jumped out from behind the shrub."

"Yeah – maybe. That actually isn't a very good compliment for a girl even when she was still a child."

"Well I was pretty disappointed that day and didn't go to the playground for a few days. And then one day I suddenly saw Lily from the window of my room how she was walking down the dirty streets of the industrial complex I lived in. I stormed out of the house after her and took her to a little thicket of trees and shrubs not far from the playground and we talked about the magic world and I told her of Hogwarts." He paused again and Lillian noticed another deep breath before he continued. "We even talked about my – my –"

"Your?"

Snape sighed again and eventually finished his sentence. "My family and how my father and mother were always arguing."

"I'm – I'm sorry." Lillian reached out an arm and took one of Snape's hands. He didn't pull it back.

"Later we found out that we had been spied by her sister and when I accidently let a branch fall down on her Lily ran after her. Somehow our meetings never went very good."

"Her sister was apparently jealous."

"Yes. After a few days I saw Lily again and we somewhat grew friends. When we finally got our letters she started taking me home with her. Her parents seemed to be very proud. However, a week later we found a letter from Dumbledore to her sister in which he kindly explained her why she wasn't allowed to come here."

"So she had written to Dumbledore that she wanted to go to Hogwarts too?"

"Apparently, yes. And when he explained her that she couldn't come she was very mean to us, especially to Lily. When we were on platform nine and three quarters at the beginning of our first journey to Hogwarts I heard and saw them arguing and her sister called Lily and me freaks and weirdoes. I guess she never really got over it."

"Probably." Lillian was still holding Snape's hand.

"In the train I found her in a compartment with two boys and sat down to talk to her but she was upset. When we later talked about houses the two boys started to pick on me and on her and we went into another compartment. I tried to convince her to decide for Slytherin but the Sorting Hat put her in Gryffindor." He sighed and stared into the fire.

"Did you stay friends?"

"Yes. Even though we were in different houses we were best friends until that first fateful day." His voice sounded bitter and he clenched his hands for a moment. "She apparently had other friends in Gryffindor while I had other friends in Slytherin. We grew older with slightly different points of view but while I wasn't overly interested in her friends she was somewhat interested in convincing me that my friends were evil and creepy." He paused again.

"What happened then?"

"During my time at Hogwarts the boys who had been picking on me became my enemies, especially James Potter."

"Harry's father?"

Snape clenched his hands again.

"Sorry I didn't mean to –" began Lillian but Snape shook his head.

"Yes. Harry's father." There was something grim about his voice as he continued. "We didn't miss a chance to hex each other and after a few years he started to hit on Lily. She wasn't very fond of him at that time though. In my fifth year after my O.W.L exams I sat down close to that beech tree to read and to wait for Lily but instead I got picked on by James and his Friends and he..." He took a trembling breath as if he was refusing to continue but then eventually finished. "He disarmed me and ridiculed me in front of half the school."

Lillian didn't say anything. She actually knew most of the things he had told her by now but hearing the story told by him was far more detailed. Because she wanted to comfort him somehow she moved closer and put an arm around his shoulders again as far as possible as he was a little taller than her. Her other hand remained on his.

"While he was at it Lily came along the lake with her friends and I felt even more embarrassed and ashamed. And then I did the first thing I was never able to forgive myself." He started to shake slightly and Lillian noticed that he was apparently fighting against tears again.

"Did you attack her?"

"No. I called her a mud-blood when she was trying to help me."

"Oh...uhm...not – err, very nice."

He shook his head. "I tried to apologize but she wouldn't want to hear and told me off and that she has had enough of me and my friends and our attitude. She left me standing there because I was too much of a coward to tell her that – that..."

His voice broke and through two strands of his hair Lillian could see tears running down his cheeks again. Again she pulled him closer to her and again he lowered his head onto her shoulder to cry. Comfortingly she moved her hand over the back of his head and down his back. She didn't ask him to tell her what he had not been able to let Lily Evans know because she already knew. Though, if he was calm enough to continue she would listen.


	9. Behind the mask

**Behind the mask**

While she was trying to comfort him silently her eyes fell onto a clock on the mantelpiece that told her, that it was half past ten. Obviously almost every room with a chimney had a clock on its mantelpiece.

After approximately ten more minutes his crying ebbed away and he let go of her still sobbing a bit. He pulled out her handkerchief from his cloak and blew his nose to then put it away again. She left a hand on his back.

"If you don't want you don't have to continue. I think –"

He interrupted her with a vigorous shake of his head. "I will continue."

"Okay." She waited until he had breathed deeply in and out several times and then listened closely again.

"After that incident, which was the first thing I never forgave myself, we grew apart, merely because she had chosen her way and I had chosen mine. In our last year I had to watch with bitterness that she started seeing Potter and -" He sighed. "- she married him. She had chosen her way of being with Potter and fighting against the Dark Lord and I had chosen to become his servant. Our fate was eternal separation. Though, as long as she was alive and happy with the way she was following I was fine. I sometimes went to watch her secretly." He paused and let out a deep sigh once again. A few minutes passed by in which he was only staring into the fire, then he eventually continued. "Not long before Harry was born I was spying Dumbledore on order of the Dark Lord. Dumbledore was in the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade to interview teacher volunteers for Divination class. When he interviewed the last of them I heard a prophecy she made. Unfortunately the pub keeper caught me and threw me out of the pub. I reported to the Dark Lord what I heard."

"What was the prophecy about?"

"It was about a boy who would be born at the end of July by parents who have already defied him three times and that this boy would be the one to destroy him for good."

"I see."

"At that time I didn't know what was going to happen and also didn't know I only heard half of the prophecy."

"Did Dumbledore ever tell you the missing pieces?"

"No though he let me know I only heard half of the prophecy. However, Harry was born at the end of July, so was another boy, but for some reason the Dark Lord thought the boy mentioned in the prophecy was Harry."

He gulped slightly and stopped talking. His body started to tremble again and Lillian once again closed one arm around his shoulders and took one of his clenched hands. With a trembling in his voice but as calm as possible he went on.

"He was after them. Mainly after Harry but he wasn't someone acting with mercy. In the end I begged him to spare Lily but..." He trembled harder. "I went to meet Dumbledore on my own account to warn him and to request protection for Lily and her family. In exchange I offered him my loyalty."

"So they were killed under Dumbledore's protection?"

He nodded and fought with tears. "They – they used the Fidelius charm. You – you know how it works?"

Lillian nodded slightly. "I've heard about it."

"They were betrayed by their Secret-Keeper not long after Harry's first birthday and – and..."

"Everyone but Harry got murdered..." she finished the sentence softly and Snape nodded not being able to fight back tears anymore.

"I – I went to see if – if she was still alive that night b-but..." his voice died out under heavy sobbing and crying.

Lillian pulled him over to her and he flung his arms around her and once again cried on her shoulder while she softly stroked up and down his back and over his head.

"I-It's all m-my f-fault..." he mumbled into her shoulder still crying.

"Shh..." was all she replied.

"I-If I...I w-wouldn't h-have h-heard the p-prophecy..."

"It's not your fault..."

"I-It is..."

"They'd be still alive if their Secret-Keeper wouldn't have betrayed them."

He let go of her and looked into her face with a face distorted with grief, guilt and despair.

"Th-They w-wouldn't ha-have needed a S-Secret-K-Keeper if I w-wouldn't h-have..."

Lillian lifted a hand up to his face and softly placed it around his cheek. Slowly she shook her head.

"Forgive yourself..." she said softly and as he opened his mouth again to disagree she placed a finger on his lips with a soft smile again shaking her head lightly.

She lowered her hand into her lap again but didn't take her eyes off his. He said nothing for a long while just sat there, silent tears running down his cheeks looking at her. Finally he broke the silence and spoke with a weak trembling voice.

"Why...why do you do this?"

"Why do I do what?"

He took a deep breath and looked away from her. "Why do you still comfort me?"

"Well..." She paused for a few seconds. "Well I think because you need comfort."

"I don't deserve this."

"So?"

He shook his head.

"I'm not even worth to look at you."

Like as if to underline his statement he turned his head away from her even more but she just reached out a hand and turned his head back towards her face to look into his eyes with a soft smile.

"It's my business who I consider to be worth looking at me or to deserve comfort."

"B-But..."

She again put a finger on his lips and shook her head. "No argument." She slowly lowered her hand again. His lips twitched slightly but he remained silent. He took the handkerchief once again, turned away from her and blew his nose and wiped away the tears from his cheeks. After he had stuffed it away again he stared into the fire that was already burning low. She turned towards the flames as well and both didn't say a word, but from the corners of her eyes she saw that he was looking over to her now and then. Finally his eyes met hers when she was turning her head towards him the moment he looked over to her again.

"Err..." He quickly looked away again.

She chuckled but went on looking at him. Slowly he turned his head back towards her with a reddish shimmer upon his sallow cheeks. She smirked as she noticed him gulping slightly.

"Do you feel better?" she asked.

He made a grimace. "Not really..."

"Oh that – that's a pity."

He shrugged lightly lowering his eyes. "Being with you like this feels like being speared up alive but at the same time as if...as if..." He seemed to lack the words to describe what she made him feel but she only smiled.

"I see. So this is the man behind the mask."

He quickly looked at her again with an expression of astonishment and anxiety on his face.

She smiled softly. "A man, who was and is always torn between light and darkness, a man full of worries and bitterness, a man who always longed for appreciation and love, a man –" but before she could say more he had placed a finger on her lips to make her stop talking. She fell silent.

A bewildered expression had crawled onto his face and as he detached his finger from her lips his own lips trembled.

"How...how do you know all this?"

"The story, the way you talked about Lily, your grief, guilt and despair..." She paused for a moment. "You gave yourself away tonight – or at least a whole lot."

Suddenly he grabbed hold of her shoulders shaking her lightly and said with an urgent voice: "Never - anybody may know..."

She smiled. "There is no reason to tell anyone else. Everything including previous happenings will stay between the two of us. If you want I will do the Unbreakable Vow, but I guess we would need a third person for that."

He widened his eyes in astonishment and stopped shaking her. Instead he suddenly pulled her towards him and pressed his lips onto hers again. This time she was only surprised and as the kiss started to become a bit less forceful she eventually closed her eyes and even decided to return it softly. After a short moment the kiss ended and he let go of her, the red shimmer on his sallow cheeks a lot brighter.

"Uhm..." He looked to the side.

"Ehh..." She bit her lower lip feeling her heart beating halfway up her throat.

"Ohh! So late already?" he suddenly exclaimed.

"Eh?" She looked at the clock. It was way past midnight. She got up and rubbed her hands. "Ah well I guess I should leave now." For a moment she looked into the fire and then slowly turned her head towards him. "Well – Have a Good Night...Professor."

"Severus – my name is Severus."

"Okay...Severus..." She gave him a last soft smile her cheeks slightly red and then turned around to leave. She hadn't even walked two steps when he suddenly jumped up and grabbed her arm.

"Shall – shall I accompany you?"

She slowly turned around.

"Err – I mean –" He took a deep breath and then looked at her. "I have to patrol the corridors anyways."

"I see. Well – if you want...Severus."

When she said his name he blushed some more. "Well then."

He walked over to the door of his room, let her out first and then followed her outside and closed the door behind him. On their way up to the entrance hall he also closed the door of his office what they both had forgotten in the heat of the moment. Without saying a word they walked up the marble staircase up to the third corridor, past the stone gargoyle hiding the spiral staircase to Dumbledore's office and then finally reached the door to her room.

"Magical Mystery" she muttered and the lock of the door clicked.

"Your door has a password?"

"Yes. Dumbledore said a password was better than a spell because it would be a bit hard to get inside when having left the wand in the room." She opened the door.

"True."

"Well then. Thank you for accompanying me."

"Not a problem. As I said, I need to patrol the corridors anyways."

She made a step into her room and then turned around to him again. "Good Night Severus."

She was about to turn around to enter the room when he suddenly leapt forward, grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his arms for another kiss and a tight hug. Still not really used to his sudden decisions of kissing her she felt a bit overran for a few seconds and then eventually closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around him and returned the kiss once again.


	10. Broomsticks and private lessons

**Broomsticks and private lessons**

When she woke up in the morning she couldn't remember how she had gotten into bed. She also didn't remember her dreams. The only thing spinning in her mind for a few minutes was the previous evening. She got up, opened the curtains and the windows to let the sunshine and fresh air in while getting dressed and ready for breakfast and lessons. While she looked into the mirror combing her hair she noticed the faint smile on her face. When she had packed her bag for today's lessons she left her room and went down to have breakfast.

Ron, Harry, Fred and George were already there eating porridge.

"Good morning Lillian" said Fred cheerfully.

"Yeah good morning" agreed Fred.

Ron offered her the bowl with porridge. "Help yourself."

"Uhm no thanks. I hate porridge." She grabbed the bowl with cereals instead and underlined her statement with a disgusted sort of face.

"Are you serious?" exclaimed Harry surprised and eyeballed her.

"Yes. I had an unpleasant experience with porridge. Since then I hate it."

"Okay. However, you seem to be in a rather good mood."

"Yes." She poured milk over her cereals and began to eat.

"How come? D-Didn't you follow Snape's order?"

"Yes I did" replied Lillian between two spoons of cereals.

Ron and Harry exchanged looks.

"What did he want?"

"Talk to me." She went on eating as if she had been starving.

"Talk to you? About what?"

"Ron, aren't you a little nosey?" asked Fred and grinned.

"But – she was so worried yesterday and is now so cheerful."

"It was just not as horrible as I had imagined" said Lillian finishing her cereals and grabbing a slice of toast after putting away her bowl.

"But what did you talk about?"

"Possible Potions lessons" she lied without turning red.

"What?" Harry was lost for more words.

"Yup."

"But – but you don't have equipment."

"If Dumbledore agrees that he gives me private lessons he will lend me a book and everything I need."

Harry and Ron exchanged looks again but decided to say nothing further. During the rest of the breakfast they talked about classes, homework and even Quidditch. Class was far easier and far more enjoyable today because there were no worries apart from all the stuff Lillian still had to catch up with. She had a lot of fun learning all the things she by now only could read and dream about and even during the rest of the week nothing could ruin her good mood. Not even all the additional work she had to do.

On Friday after Dinner she stretched out in one of the armchairs in the common room after closing the history book. She had never liked history though magic history was far more entertaining than Muggel history but Professor Binns was far more boring than every Muggel teacher she had ever experienced. She closed her eyes for a few minutes and resolved to practice some charms and transfigurations again during the weekend.

"Hey Lillian!"

She opened her eyes and saw Fred and George standing in front of her armchair. "Hi" she replied a bit tired.

"We've been watching you recently" said Fred and grinned.

"Oh?"

"Yes. You've been working harder than everyone else."

"Of course – I had to catch up with last week's class contents. Unfortunately Harry and your brother haven't been that of a big help."

"Our brother seldom is a big help" said George and grinned.

"You look tired – don't you think it's enough for today?" asked Fred with a smirk.

"Ah well yes – I was about to go to my room."

"Too bad." George looked disappointed. "We hoped we could entertain you a bit to distract you from learning."

"Ah well okay. I guess a few jokes and small talk won't hurt." She stretched again and straightened her body a bit.

The following two hours she spent with Fred, George and soon even Harry, Ron and Lee Jordan. Before she left she borrowed Harry's Potion book for the weekend and he reminded her about the flying instructions the next day. Back in her room she didn't do much more than brushing her teeth, changing into her pyjama and going to bed.

After Breakfast the next day she went down to attend the flying instructions knowing what would happen so she wasn't very surprised, when Neville, nervous as he was, had a crash and had to be taken to the hospital wing. Suppressing the rage when Malfoy started to act up and took Neville's rememberall she let everything happen like it was written down in the books even though she was pretty amazed by Harry's flight. Watching it with her own eyes was far more impressive than just reading it. So it happened that Professor McGonagall took Harry away and only Lillian knew what was going to happen to him. But since she had promised to Dumbledore she would act as if she knew nothing she pretended to be worried. Approximately fifteen minutes later Madam Hooch returned and the instructions went on, this time without interruptions.

Her first flight was a bit jolty and Malfoy tried to laugh at her whenever he passed her by but she just ignored him and he soon lost fun. It was an amazing sensation to fly on a broomstick and the more she practised the more confident she became about it. At the end of the instruction lesson she was quite acceptable. She decided that she would just practise a bit with Fred and George and attend the one or the other Quidditch practise to learn by watching.

At dinner she heard about Harry being made Seeker of the Gryffindor team and tried to be very astonished. Sometimes it was just hard to pretend when you knew most happenings before they happened. She congratulated Harry and then went on eating. After dinner she accompanied Ron, Harry, Fred and George to Gryffindor tower but didn't join the common room. She said Good bye and Good night and returned to the third corridor to practise a few charms in her room. After an hour she had enough, washed herself at the sink and changed into her pyjama. She decided to start reading in Magical Drafts and Potions before she went to bed so she sat down into her comfortable armchair and began to read. An hour later she was so sunken into the book that she almost overheard the knocking on her door. She lowered the book into her lap and looked towards the door.

"Who is there?"

"It's me... Severus."

"Ah come in." She heard him muttering the password, heard the door lock click and how he opened the door and stepped inside. She was still sitting in that armchair reading. "Sorry I need to finish this paragraph..." she mumbled without looking up from the book.

He recognized the book immediately. "You – you read the Potion book?"

She nodded slowly and eventually finished the paragraph, put a piece of parchment between the pages and closed the book. She got up and smiled at him. "Yes I do. I borrowed it from one of the first years." She didn't mention Harry, walked over to the bookcase and put the book down there before returning to the armchair without sitting down.

"How come? You don't have Potion class."

"Unfortunately not, no. I guess we both know why, though."

He nodded slowly and narrowed his lips in displeasure. "You sound as if you'd be interested."

"Well I can't deny that the book has captivated me since I started to read even though it's only a school book."

"Most students don't even seem to manage reading the ingredient lists and brewing instructions properly."

"But beside from how the different potions and poisons work that is the most interesting part. Theory is good to know to a certain degree but what is theory without practice? You can't just tear the page from the book and throw it into the cauldron hoping the potion would brew itself." The more she had said the more Snape's lips pursed into some sort of smile but then he went over to one of her windows and looked out.

"You sound like Lily. She had a real talent for potions and until that incident in our fifth year happened we had a lot of fun during Potions class. She even belonged to the student club of our teacher." He sighed deeply.

"Uhm..." She suddenly felt a bit embarrassed that she reminded him of Lily once again.

He turned around and looked at her how she was standing there shuffling her feet. "Would you like me to give you lessons?"

"Eh? But – But the class room is already crammed with students during the usual lessons and and..." She looked away onto the logs in the fireplace. She hadn't used her chimney yet.

He walked towards her, reached out his arms and turned her face towards his. "Private lessons."

"P-Private l-lessons?" She was astounded. She actually had made up that story because she had promised not to tell what had really happened that evening.

"Well I would have to ask Dumbledore first I mean..." He let go of her face and stared upon the logs himself now. "As you already mentioned, we both know why he kept you away from Potions class."

"Shall I talk to him?

"No no. It will be less suspicious if I talk to him about it."

"Okay." She looked around. "Well – I'd offer you something but I'm afraid I've got anything."

He shook his head. "I don't need anything. Thanks though."

They both fell silent occasionally looking over to each other trying to say something but instead remained silent. After half an hour he eventually sighed and walked towards the door. He said good night and left. When he was gone she felt somewhat sorry because she realized that he had visited her for another reason than talking about potions, but she didn't ask him. She went to bed half excited about possible potion lessons and half guilty because she had let him go like that.

When she woke up the next morning, got up and checked the clock on the mantelpiece she was already late for breakfast. So she decided to kill time paying a visit to Ron and Harry who sat in the Gryffindor common room playing wizard chess. She sat down in a chair beside their table and watched Harry losing badly.

"Shall I teach you too?" asked Ron while he rearranged the board for a new game.

"Well I know the basic rules of chess even though I never played wizard chess. But I assume that, aside from the figures moving on command and beating each other, it's not much different than Muggle chess." replied Lillian.

"Want a game then?"

"Well, can't hurt I guess, but I have to warn you; I'm not very good and I'm not that much of a planner. I consider only the consequences of one maybe two moves and that's about it. I don't care if to win or to lose – I play for the sake of playing."

"I see. Well I will give it a try. Probably I can give you some hints if I feel under challenged. I did that with Harry too even though he couldn't play chess at all in the beginning.

"I still can't" said Harry grinning when exchanging seats with Lillian. "Be careful. I borrowed the pieces from Seamus – they don't trust other players."

"I see. Well I will give it a try."

So it happened that Lillian played her first game of wizard chess with Ron and of course lost. Not only because of the way she was playing but also she had to get used to commanding the chess pieces to the field she wanted them. They played a second game which went a lot better even though she again lost.

"Do you want to play a round with Harry?"

"Ah well no. Actually I'm more interested if you could teach me 'Exploding Snap'."

"Oh you've heard of that already?"

"Yeah, I picked it up somewhere."

"Alright. I'm going to get the cards." Ron stuffed his chess pieces into a little leather bag and carried them up to the boy dormitories while Harry stuffed Seamus' pieces into their repository.

When Ron came back he carried a bunch of slightly burned cards and they sat at the table and he explained the rules. After a few rounds Lillian had burned fingertips and had to go to the hospital wing to get them cured. While she was there she pestered Madam Pomfrey with questions about becoming and being a healer and when she finally left she had to hurry not to miss lunch as well. The rest of the day she spent with reading in the Potion book before returning it to Harry in the evening.

The first two days of the week weren't very spectacular. Now that Lillian had caught up with what she had missed, additionally to the huge piles of homework every day, she found the classes even more enjoyable and even stole Hermione the show now and again. She of course wasn't a happy bunny about it.

She hadn't met Snape again since he had left her room on Saturday so she was surprised to receive another letter from him on Wednesday morning. She offered a sausage to the owl that had brought it and then opened the envelope.

_Dumbledore allowed the lessons. If it's not on short notice I would like to see you for your first lesson tomorrow at 7:00 PM in my office._

"Another letter from Snape?" asked Ron his moth half-filled with toast.

Lillian nodded. "Yes. About the private Potion lessons. They have been authorized by Dumbledore and I can start tomorrow after dinner."

"And you really want to do that? He's horrible."

Lillian shrugged. "I'm gonna survive it. He hasn't killed you yet, has he?"

"Well no" admitted Ron with a mutter. "But he's still a rotten sod and he is mean and unfair and –"

But Lillian ignored the rest. The owl had unfortunately already flown off with the sausage so she looked over to the staff table and caught Snape's eye. She smiled faintly and nodded before devoting herself to breakfast again.

The two days spun away and she found herself walking down into the dungeons even still wearing her black robes. When she turned around the corner she saw him walking around in his office apparently preparing things. She stepped towards the door and cleared her throat as he didn't seem to have noticed her. He stopped dead and turned towards her.

"You – You are wearing – working robes..." he discovered with slight surprise in his voice.

"Yes yes – it's a lesson after all, isn't it?" She couldn't hide the eager tone of her voice that sounded a little bit like a child that was finally going to school after kindergarten.

"In-Indeed." After the moment of astonishment had ebbed away his face went somewhat hard again and he frowned. "You missed the content of two weeks" he pointed out towards her. "Though you seem to have a rather a noble attitude towards the art of brewing potions and poisons and have already read in the book, what only very seldom students ever do. Most of them are even too dim-witted to read the ingredient list or the brewing instructions properly." He fell silent for a minute and slowly shook his head his arms held behind his back. "Aside from Ms. Granger – who seems to be a bossy know-it-all wherever she goes. However – " He cleared his throat. "When you are only half as talented as Lily Evans you stand a good chance of not having severe issues catching up."

Lillian had listened closely sucking in his every word like a sponge. When he seemed to have finished, she finally spoke. "I will try my very best." She nodded to underline her statement. "But I will need to borrow a book from you, since I can't always borrow the books from others as they need them themselves."

He nodded stiffly. "I will lend you one as soon as we go into the classroom."

"Alright. I also don't have any other equipment, since Dumbledore didn't put it on my list when I went to Diagon Alley."

He nodded again. "We have an ingredient cabinet for students where you can help yourself and as for equipment -" He pointed down on the things on his desk.

Only now Lillian recognized a brass scale, a pewter cauldron and a set of glass vials. "Oh good. There is another thing I have to insist on."

Snape raised his brow. "That would be?"

"I don't want special treatment" Lillian said calmly. "That means I want homework as every other student. I want to be given and taken points based upon how well or bad I do. I'm a first year student after all."

He furrowed a brow and watched her with an expression she wasn't able to decrypt before he started to nod very slowly. "You know what that would mean though?"

She nodded with some hesitation. "Maybe that I should expect you to treat me with the same nasty behaviour as the other students."

His lips narrowed and he gave her a piercing look before he took a deep breath. "Fine" he finally said stiffly.

"What do you know about monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"They are one and the same plant also known under the term aconite. The plant is used to brew the Wolfsbane potion that tames a werewolf if he drink is regularly a week before transformation."

"What do I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"The Draught of Living Dead, Sir."

He twitched slightly as she called him Sir like a student. "Where do I have to look to find a bezoar and what does it do?"

"A bezoar is a stone that can be found in the stomach of a goat and taken it saves from most poisons."

Snape frowned. "You know a good bunch of things for someone who is only in the first year" he said coldly. "Let's see how you will do with your first potion."

Without further words he headed towards the door and Lillian, after grabbing the equipment, followed him into the dungeon class room. He instructed her to prepare the cauldron and pointed towards a table where she would be preparing and weighing the ingredients. When everything was prepared he handed her a potion book.

"You will brew a potion to cure boils. You find the ingredient list and the brewing instruction within the book."

Lillian opened the book on the correct page as she had already read the pages with the potion and began to collect the ingredients from the student cabinet and put them down on the table in the right order. Then she went to get water to add it to the potion as soon as necessary. She read through the whole page and then started to elaborately prepare the ingredients. While the horned slugs were stewing she checked if the prepared ingredients were ordered correctly on the table and then just followed the instructions sometimes slightly changing the heat of the fire or adding some water. Snape watched her every step and when she had finally added all ingredients and was stirring the last few times he walked closer and inspected a ladle of her potion which had exactly the colour and texture described in the book.

"Very well. Full points." He pursed his lips into a smile. "Madam Pomfrey will be delighted. She used her last vial this morning and she asked me to restock her reserve. I told her I was going to let you brew it and possibly hand her in your result if usable. You don't mind I suppose?"

Lillian smiled broadly and shook her head. "I'd feel honoured."

"Fill the potion into your vials then, I will go and fetch Madam Pomfrey's from my office."

He turned around and went to his office. Lillian filled the potion into the vials as elaborate as she had prepared the ingredients and then waited, but Snape didn't return. She saw him walking up and down in his office with a slightly distorted expression on his face apparently mumbling to himself. She checked if the fire under the cauldron was low enough so that the potion wouldn't burn but also wouldn't go cold and walked towards the office. She knocked but he didn't answer. Eventually she decided to carefully open the door and poke in her head.

"Professor?" she asked quietly not able to suppress the slight concern in her voice.

He stopped dead and turned around. "The lesson is finished" he said severely. "Clean your workspace but leave the cauldron with the potion where it is and the filled vials on the table. I will fill the rest myself."

"Al-Alright." She went out of the office and did as he ordered and when she was done she once again went to the office.

He had sat down at his desk forcing himself to write something down. He didn't look up as he spoke forcing his voice to sound calm. "You will do eight inches of parchment about the ingredients of this potion and how the potion works and is used until next Thursday. Same time. And don't forget the book."

"Yes, Sir."

Lillian left the office and the dungeons with the book in one hand partly cheerful because she had apparently done so well and partly concerned because he was behaving so odd at the end of the lesson. When she finally went to bed it was almost eleven o'clock.


	11. Agony and desire

**Agony and desire**

The next morning at breakfast Harry and Ron were astounded, that she was still alive and even more surprised, that she had apparently done so well in her private lesson with Snape.

"He complimented you?" Ron gaped at her forgetting to bite into his toast so that the honey dropped down onto his plate.

"He just said 'Very well' and gave me full points for my potion." Lillian shrugged and ate a sausage.

"That IS a compliment" said Harry and shook his head in disbelief. "Not even Hermione ever got a compliment even though her stuff is almost always perfect."

Lillian shrugged again not showing them that the way the lesson had ended also concerned her, but it was absolutely none of their business what she shared with Snape. "He gave me an eight inch essay as homework though" she said quickly. "I'm a first year student after all even though I am older than you two together. And he didn't give me points for Gryffindor, so I guess the compliment will have to do."

They talked about Harry's Nimbus Two Thousand, Ron's family and Hagrid's invitation to visit him before Harry and Ron went down to double potions and Lillian into the library to start writing her essay for Snape, before meeting with the others in front of Binns' classroom for another dull History of Magic lesson. After lunch she joined Ron and Harry doing some homework in the common room before setting off with them to visit Hagrid.

This was the first visit Harry and Ron had at Hagrid's cabin and this was the day where Harry would find out about the closer circumstances of the break-in at Gringotts. When they left Hagrid's cabin for dinner Harry was rather silent and Lillian didn't disturb his thoughts. She knew that this was the beginning of his and Ron's adventure with the Sorcerer's Stone and she didn't want to interfere. The things had to develop the way they did as story-based as possible.

After dinner she collected her stuff from the common room and decided to take a bath before finishing some of her homework. She was sitting over the eleven inch essay for Professor Binns when it knocked on the door. She put the quill aside and looked at the clock. It was a quarter past nine. She went towards the door, opened it and saw Snape standing there.

"Oh" she said not hiding the surprise in her voice.

"May I come in?"

"Of-Of course – where are my manners..." She let him step in and then closed the door.

"I" he started and sighed walking a few steps into the room. "I had to see you."

Lillian didn't move. She was wearing a fresh pyjama and the slight smell of exotic bubble bath was still lingering in the room, especially because her hair was still somewhat soggy. Eventually she opened her mouth to say something but all she was able to manage was:

"Aha."

His eyes fell at the desk where her eleven inch essay was waiting to be continued. "Are you busy?"

"Err –"

"I can leave again."

"No!" it shot out of her mouth. "Err – I mean. Not – not necessarily. I can finish the essay another time" she added quickly blushing.

He eventually turned around. Again there was an expression on his face she wasn't able to decrypt.

"I wanted to apologize."

"Eh?" She raised a brow.

He stepped towards her. "For the sudden end of the lesson."

"No – No problem. Really."

"Don't lie!" he exclaimed colder than he had intended because he cleared his throat.

She looked down to the floor feeling a little guilty.

"I – I can't treat you like every other student" he said quietly and made another step towards her lifting her chin with his fingers. "I just can't." His voice was somewhat desperate.

"I – I see."

She walked past him and sat down at the foot end of her bed staring towards the logs in the chimney. The only light in the room came from the lit torches on the walls behind her desk and from the only slightly darkened sky outside.

He turned around as she passed him by and followed her with his eyes.

"I really tried, but..." He slowly moved towards but didn't sit down beside her. "You can't demand such a thing..."

"Hmm..." she just muttered and looking at him. "So you can't treat me as humiliating as the others." It was more a statement than a question.

"Hu-Humilating?" There was slight irritation in his voice.

"Did you think I never heard what the other students no matter in what year say about you and the methods of teaching you use?" Her voice was calm and she finally looked at him – straight in the eye.

He looked to the side apparently lost for words.

"I don't approve the way you treat the other students but it's not my mission to advise you better nor is it my business. I just thought it might be better if I wasn't treated better so the other students wouldn't get suspicious." Her voice was still calm and she didn't take her eyes off him. "I have a vague idea why it's impossible for you to bully me around and actually I have to admit that I'm quite happy about it, as I was bullied enough during my childhood and Muggle school years, but I would at least expect you to be picky and perfectionist about the way I work and about my results, too."

"I – I am" he said still not looking at her.

"I somewhat didn't have the impression you did. You even complimented my result. I heard from other students that you only do that with those you favour."

"It – it was just...what you deserved."

"Indeed?"

"The potion was flawless. Everything you did was flawless – well I could have complained about that you took your time –"

"Why didn't you do?"

"Because I saw the results. The way you prepared the ingredients, the way you sorted them and followed every single step of the brewing instructions though sometimes making slight changes..." His voice was quivering as he spoke and he took a deep breath. "I just saw your talent and the diligence you put into whatever you did."

Now Lillian was lost for words. She already had a feeling that she had done well but ever since breakfast she hadn't been all too sure anymore.

"So – So I really did well? You really handed my result to Madam Pomfrey?"

He nodded. "Of course." He finally sat down beside her. "I just came to let you know that I can't treat you like everyone else."

"Okay. But still I have to insist on the basics. Giving and taking points and homework and these things."

He nodded again apparently feeling a little relieved. "You know..." he began and then looked towards the chimney again. "This first lesson again punched me with memories. You aren't half as talented as Lily was – actually your talent seems to be exactly the same level." He sighed deeply and then finally looked at her again with a somewhat tortured expression on his face. "Whenever we are together and whenever I discover something new about you that is like Lily it tortures me and makes it hard to bear."

She looked at him blankly. "So you want to quit the lessons again?"

"No no." He shook his head. "I just – just wanted you to know why I behaved so odd yesterday so that you aren't surprised if it happens again."

"I see" she replied a bit more cheerful. "You could have sent me an owl explaining all this. Instead you pay me a visit even though it tortures you so much being with me. Why would you want to torture yourself when not necessary?"

He looked away from her again and fell silent for a while. She didn't stress him. She sure was very curious about what he would answer, but she didn't want to make him feel constrained. After a few minutes of silence he eventually turned his head towards her again, even took her hand as if he wanted to make a proposal and looked into her face.

"You know..." He took another deep breath. Apparently it was hard for him to couch it so she remained silent until he continued. "The agony isn't all. I..." He gulped slightly. It was visible that explaining all this demanded a great deal of him. "When I'm with you I feel torn between agony and something that could be called pleasure." She opened her mouth to say something but he shook his head and she closed it again. "During the days after my last visit I even felt something like – desire." He let go of her hand and looked to the side. He apparently felt very embarrassed.

She was lost for words. Whenever she took a breath and opened her mouth to say something she just closed it again and breathed out.

"I – I'm sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable."

Unfortunately she couldn't deny that she was feeling uncomfortable. Still lost for words and highly astonished she let herself fall onto the bed back first and arms slightly bent above her head. He quickly looked at her with a worried expression as if he wanted to check that she hadn't fainted. Recognising his worried face she couldn't help but smile. A few minutes later she seemed to have digested his answer even though she already had a vague idea about what was wrong with him. Eventually she patted beside her to invite him to lie down beside her. With its sixty-to-seventy-eight imperial inches her bed was big enough to offer space for two adult persons. With slight hesitation he followed her invitation and laid down beside her his hands folded on his stomach.

There was no sound but the wind rustling in her curtains and a few late birds flying into their nests. She sometimes peered over to him and so did he. Whenever their eyes met by chance they quickly looked away.

"You know..." he began quietly and with a hint of melancholy in his voice. "Lying like this almost breaks my heart."

She sat up immediately. "I – I'm sorry. I – I didn't know." She gave him an apologetic look.

He just shook his head and sat up as well. "No – don't feel sorry." He sighed. "It's just another memory."

"I see." There was nothing more she could say.

"When we were children and also later when we were in school we often were out on the grounds when the weather was nice. We usually sprawled under trees or by the lakeside and watched clouds and talked." He sighed again. "All these times and I never had the heart to just move my hand a tiny bit and take her hand." He finally looked away blushing.

She was lost for words once again. And once again she felt her heartbeat climb halfway up her throat. The minutes trickled off without a word and when she eventually stopped to suppress the urge that had been brewing inside her since he fell silent it felt like an eternity had passed by. She reached over and grabbed one of his hands. Immediately he moved his head towards her. He looked down onto his hand in hers and then back into her face several times before he opened his mouth to say something but immediately closed it again. She bit her lower lip, went brick-red and stared down to the wooden floor. She felt his hand in hers trembling slightly and then his other hand touching her face and gently forcing it to turn towards him again. She gulped dryly and tried to smile but it was more some kind of nervous grimace. The way he looked at her felt like if he was x-raying her. Then without a warning he leaned towards her and placed a nervous kiss on her lips before his face also went all red and he looked away once again but kept his hand within hers.

She didn't exactly know why she was doing it but she slit closer to him put her hand onto his cheek gently forcing his head towards hers again and kissed him back while letting go of his hand and putting her arms around his neck. After a few seconds he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her a tad closer not interrupting the kiss. She felt a tickling sensation spreading over her skin as he awkwardly began to stroke a hand up and down her back and felt her heart doing somersaults within her chest. A moment later she finally detached her lips from his and let out a quivering sigh. She opened her mouth to say something but he placed a finger on her lips, slightly shook his head and pulled her into a hug placing his head on her shoulder and her head against his chest. She heard his heart beating at least as fast as hers and closed her eyes. Again she felt that tickling sensation crawling over her skin when he stroked over her back and through her hair. So she started doing the same and felt his shivers through all the layers of his robes and his cloak. She also felt his warm, slightly trembling breath on her neck. Then after a while he suddenly began to spread kisses on her skin on his way up to her face. She kept her eyes closed and shivered as well as the tickling sensation seemed to devour her. When he reached for her cheeks and continued towards her lips he moved a hand from her back up to her head holding it with his thumb on her cheek. His lips were trembling as he finally reached hers and he could feel her quivering breath before he eventually covered her lips with a kiss. She slightly clenched her fingers into the cloak covering his back as the kiss became a bit more passionate. Apparently he was getting a little braver but a moment later he detached himself from her a little and ran a few fingers down her cheek looking at her half happy half in agony. She smiled softly and stroked his cheek then she let herself fall back onto the bed and pulled him with her.

So it happed that they came to rest in each other's arms her head against his chest and his head resting on her head. Slowly she calmed down a bit. It felt like half an eternity before he finally said something. His voice was almost a whisper.

"I should feel so happy..." He quivered.

She looked up and gave him a loving smile. "Why don't you just do?" she asked quietly.

"The agony is trying to seep through again..." He made a grimace.

She stroked a strand of his hair out of his face and shook her head slightly. "There is no room for agony tonight." And as if to underline her statement she wrapped her arms around him more tightly.

He let out a sigh. "I wish there wasn't..."

"There isn't. You just have to crowd it out."

"That is easier said than done."

She sighed and moved her body up a bit, so their faces were on one level, then pulled the arm away from under him and instead took his face into both her hands. "Where is the problem?" she asked softly looking him straight into the eyes.

"I don't deserve to be happy. This – this is too lucky to bear."

She leaned her forehead against his. "I already said once, that I decide myself what you deserve and what not."

"But –" he began but she placed another kiss on his lips and silenced him.

"Stay with me tonight" she said under her breath after detaching her lips from his.

"I – I can't."

She placed a finger on his lips and slightly shook her head. "Wrong answer." She smiled.

He detached himself from her and turned around on his back staring at the ceiling. "I can't, not yet."

She sighed deeply and sat up looking down on him. "Then you should possibly leave now or I might change my mind."

He sat up too sliding towards the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry" he said and got up.

She just sat there feeling disappointed but also didn't want to impose herself on him. She felt helpless that she couldn't take the agony away from him and so she just followed him with her eyes as he walked towards the door grabbing the handle. When he had opened it about to leave she got up.

"Severus?"

He turned his head.

"Good – Good Night."

He hinted a nod. "Good Night." And without saying another word he left and closed the door behind him.


	12. Dumbledore's curiosity

**Dumbledore's curiosity**

The following days weren't very spectacular left aside that Harry, Ron, Neville and Hermione seemed to be a bit distressed. Lillian picked up that they seemed to have had their first encounter with Fluffy. When they weren't doing homework in the common room she sometimes picked up parts of their conversations but she restrained herself from getting involved. She had other things to occupy herself with - for example the next potion lesson. Since that evening where he had abruptly left she hadn't heard from him not counting what she heard from other students about him being in a bad mood.

When she was getting up from the dinner table on Thursday evening Ron and Harry pitied her for having to bear Snape instead of joining them in the Gryffindor common room. She waved it off with a smile even though she couldn't deny the slight worry that was boiling somewhere within her stomach. When she went down to his office she found him sitting at his desk already waiting forcing himself to look somewhat neutral. She handed him her essay and he gave her instruction what to do while he was starting to read.

During today's lesson Lillian noticed that he seemed to force himself to treat her like everyone else just without bullying her around. He really tried to find something he could complain about, made a face like he had no facial muscles or restrained himself in making compliments about her diligence. Unfortunately the closer to the end of the lesson they came the darker the expression on his face got. An outsider would have really thought he was very unsatisfied with Lillian or with what she was doing but Lillian could tell that his expression wasn't dark because what she did was bad on the contrary. She knew that he really fought with himself and was additionally grumpy about that he wasn't able to find anything to complain about.

When the potion was finally finished she stepped back from her cauldron to give him time and space to examine and control it. When he eventually finished and looked up his face was distorted in agony. He pressed his lips together so as if he was urgently trying not to say something. Lillian got worried but before she had decided to say something he turned around and marched into his office closing the door. She looked after him and took a deep breath, before filling some of the potion into vials, just in case. Afterwards the tidied her workspace and emptied her cauldron with the Evanesco-charm. When all work was done she finally knocked on the office door. Instead of a 'come in' or a long silence the door swung open. He sat at the desk her essay in one and his wand in the other hand. She came in, placed the vials on his desk and then stepped away again. His face was like stone when he finally looked up, threw a glance at the vials and then finally told her what she was supposed to do as homework. She hadn't even vanished around the corner when she heard a loud thud followed by a swearword. He had either dropped something or he was really desperate again. Lillian guessed the last but she didn't turn around and went directly up to her room.

The next afternoon, when she was on her way back to her room from class to drop her bag and her robes, she met Dumbledore who had just stepped out from behind the stone gargoyle.

"Good afternoon Professor" she said politely and was just about to pass him by when he placed his hand on her shoulder to make her stop.

"Hello Ms. Block. I was just on my way to see if you were already available in your room. Would you please follow me to my office for a word?"

"Of course." She followed him back behind the gargoyle, up the stairs and into his office.

"Did you settle in well?" he asked standing at the window gazing out and then giving her a faint smile.

"Ah yes, thank you. I had a lot to catch up with in the first week but it was really interesting."

He smiled again and walked over to his desk to sit down into the big throne-like chair behind it and to then offer her the chair opposite of him. She sat down looking at him full of curious expectation. Just for asking if she had settled in they didn't join his office. There had to be something else he wanted to talk about. His blue eyes behind the crescent spectacles were resting on her for a while before he eventually started speaking again.

"Let's get right down to brass tacks! How did you like your first two potion lessons?"

So that was what it was all about. "They were really interesting. You need to be very elaborate in order to brew a potion correctly. Of course you can also work less elaborate but in my opinion being elaborate when preparing your ingredients and following the instructions is essential."

His eyes were still resting upon her and he was listening closely. Like sometimes with Snape she couldn't really decrypt the expression on his face. "Talking like this you remind me of two people counting myself out." He smiled faintly.

She cleared her throat. "Indeed?"

He nodded slightly. "Professor Snape and Lily Evans."

She smiled nervously. "What are the odds!"

He smiled faintly. "Indeed." He fell silent for another moment without taking his eyes off her.

Slowly she felt a bit uncomfortable so she decided to ask carefully: "Is – Is that all?"

"Of course not" he replied and immediately went on with another question. "Guessing from what you said by now you are enjoying the lessons?"

"Yes, very much."

"Would you also enjoy them with another teacher?"

"Most likely." She shrugged trying to figure out why he was asking all that stuff and then added "Depends on the teacher I guess."

"I see."

She felt a wave of impatience rumbling within her. "Professor?"

"Yes?"

"Is there a problem with Professor Snape or why do you ask all of this?"

"I was actually hoping you could tell me if there was something wrong with him."

She tried to look as surprised as possible. He was apparently trying to hear her out. "He is my teacher. I'm not supposed to know how he feels though due to the things I know I have the impression, that he is quite bitter."

"Do you have an idea why I didn't assign you to the potion class?"

"Well I guess because I bear a striking resemblance to Lily Evans."

"Indeed. So how come that he suddenly wants to teach you?"

"He saw me in the library reading in the potion book that I borrowed from Harry. He asked me why I was reading it when I didn't have potion class and I told him I found it interesting and my humble opinion about brewing potions. And then he asked me if I wanted private lessons."

"Interesting."

"Well I heard from some students that the dungeon is already pretty crammed when they have lessons in there."

"Indeed."

"So I said yes because I actually really like that subject and he said he was going to talk to you about it. Apparently he did that or I wouldn't have had those two lessons."

"Yes he was here and asked me." He made a pause and finally took his x-raying eyes off her and leaned back to gaze out of the window again. "Does he favour you?" he suddenly asked into the silence.

"Yes and no." She really didn't know how to reply to that without indicating unnecessary details. "He -" She chose her words well. "He behaves a little odd at times."

He turned his head towards her and raised an eyebrow. "Odd?"

She shrugged. "I of course know that he is the most unpopular teacher because of his methods of teaching but I haven't had any of these issues yet, so I dare calling that odd."

He looked out of the window again his hands neatly folded on his desk. There was a long silence again before he once again turned his head to look straight into her eyes.

"When you arrived here you said you know almost everything about all of us."

She nodded. "Everything that was ever mentioned within the books you are characters of."

"Then you can surely interpret why Professor Snape is acting so odd towards you."

"Well I have the vague idea that he is confronted with the death of Lily and his role within this tragedy every time he is with me."

"That is why I didn't want you to study potions – to not confuse him during his lessons."

"I know."

"Would you keep an eye on him?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm not his nanny" she said calmly. "Beside that he is a decent Legilimens, excellent in using unspoken spells and I am a more than horrible Occlumens. If you want information about how he is dealing with the fact that I bear this resemblance to Lily Evans then I suggest you ask him."

"I don't think you are a horrible Occlumens."

He caught her dumbfounded. "How would you know?" Then she suddenly hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. "You are a more than decent Legilimens."

"Indeed I am. And from the beginning of our talk I have been trying to look into your mind."

"You didn't point your wand at me."

He smiled. "Sometimes it's useful to be me. However, when I asked you about getting settled I caught pictures of your lessons and of you on a broomstick and of you working hard on catching up but once when the topic changed towards Professor Snape I didn't see anything but you brewing a potion and writing an essay."

She dropped her jaw. "You – you saw all that?"

"Indeed. But I was actually hoping to find more than that. Either you are a natural in Occlumency or there is really nothing to be found."

For a moment she was lost for words. How could she have used Occlumency when she not even noticed he was using Legilimency? From what she remembered about Legilimency you were actually noticing that someone invaded your mind but then again she only remembered the experiences Harry would have in his fifth year. Possibly Snape was just doing it in a very offensive way. She moved the thoughts around in her head quickly before she finally cleared her throat for an answer.

"In my opinion it's neither the one nor the other." She shrugged. Actually that was somewhat a lie but she was hoping that he wasn't using Legilimency anymore now that he revealed himself.

"I see. Well then. We should both go down into the Great Hall. There will be roast beef on the table tonight." Dumbledore sounded cheerful and relaxed.

She followed him out of the office into the corridor but instead accompanying him she went to finally drop her bag and her robes before joining the others at the dinner table.


	13. Common decency vs. intimacy

**Common decency vs. intimacy**

The next day after a rather early breakfast she went to the library and did some research for her potion homework and for History of Magic. She noted down passages, dates and facts from several books and then went back to her room to start on writing the actual homework. She almost missed lunch and when she had finally finished the homework for Professor Binns she peered over to her notes for the potion homework and then rubbed through her face. She shook her head and decided to start with the potion homework the next day. She closed her inkwell and got up to pick some new clothes from her wardrobe and to then undress herself. She put on her bathrobe only loosely closing it as the way from her room to the bathroom wasn't all that long. Since half of the third floor was forbidden this year and since her room and the bathroom were hidden around a corner nobody would be seeing her anyways. She grabbed two towels and her bath sponge and opened the door to leave the room but there was standing someone in front of her door.

Apparently Snape had once again decided to pay her a visit and had been about to knock on her door when it suddenly opened. He was holding a roll of parchment in one hand and as the door suddenly opened and she suddenly stood there in nothing but a loosely closed bathrobe revealing somewhat too less and though too much of her body his eyes widened a little and he gasped quietly before whirling around and leaving without a word.

Lillian raised an eyebrow and wanted to say something but he was hurrying away from her so quickly that she would have had to either sprint after him or to shout through the whole corridor. She shrugged and wondered what he had been wanting and if it was her loosely dressed appearance that had made him flee. After climbing into the tub she wondered if she should have closed the bathrobe more tightly but then again it had actually covered everything necessary. It was not that she had been all naked. Maybe the bathrobe showed a little more cleavage than a shirt would usually do but still. In her eyes it wasn't that of a big deal. She decided to pay him a visit after taking her bath and then swam a few rounds before eventually starting to wash her hair.

After she got dressed again she pocketed her wand and set off to Snape's office. A few times she got delayed by other first year students who either wanted to talk about homework or wanted to invite her to join them on their way to the library or out to watch the giant squid and play Exploding Snap what she of course declined. Eventually she arrived in the entrance hall after talking about the Transfiguration homework and the last Defence against the Dark Arts lesson with 4 different students. When she was about to turn towards the passageway down to the dungeons Harry, Fred and George and the rest of the Quidditch team walked through the portal and delayed her again until she finally got rid of them and vanished into the passageway.

When she arrived at Snape's office and knocked nobody answered and as she tried to open the door it was locked. She sighed slightly. Should she try and knock on the door of his room? The moment she decided to do so she heard someone coming from the direction of the entrance hall so she hurried down the corridor past his office and hid in the shadows of a corner where the torch seemed to be broken. She looked into the direction of his office and saw him passing it on his way down the other corridor to his room. So he had been somewhere upstairs. She waited until she heard his door closing with a low thud and then emerged from the dark corner to walk towards the other corridor. She listened closely for every sound in case someone else lurked around this area. She wasn't keen on being seen down here. Luckily everything seemed to be quiet and the area seemed to be deserted. She took a deep breath and walked towards the door of his room. She knocked.

"Who's there?" asked his cold voice from inside.

"The ghost of Salazar Slytherin's mother" she replied jokingly.

She heard hurried steps and in the next moment he opened the door, pulled her inside and looked up and down the corridor before closing the door. The expression on his face was something between dumbfounded and worried.

"Did someone see you down here?" he asked with suspicion.

"Not that I noticed. Why?"

"I don't want rumors."

"I see."

He went over to his fireplace and looked into the flames. She stayed where she was. She somewhat had the impression that she wasn't quite welcome.

"Why did you come?" he asked without looking over to her.

"I wanted to ask what you had been visiting me for."

"Nothing overly important." It seemed as if he was trying to talk around the subject.

"Was that the reason why you suddenly left without saying a word? Realizing that the matter you've been coming for wasn't overly important?"

He didn't answer just went on staring into the flames. She walked over to him past his armchair and stopped standing beside him now also facing the fire.

"No" he said finally taking a slightly deeper breath. "Rather realizing that you were about to do something else."

"You could have asked if I have time later today."

"I – yes...I could have asked."

"Instead you leave me there wondering what could have scared you away."

"I apologize."

"So – did I scare you away?"

"Yes and no."

"Oh?"

"I – I didn't expect to – to see you like that..." He gulped slightly.

"Like what? With a towel and a sponge in my hands?"

"Somewhat." He seemed to prefer beating around the bush.

But she wasn't in the mood for games like these. "You don't wanna tell me that it was because of that bathrobe, do you?"

"No, I don't want to tell you."

"Ha ha. Seriously – you can't be that inhibited, can you?"

"I'm not inhibited it...it just caught me by surprise." A slight irritation was mixed into his voice.

"Aha. Must have been rather a shock than a surprise."

"Somewhat" he said again vaguely.

"Come on! Why did you run away?"

"It's against my common decency to stare at people when they are only half dressed."

"Common decency? You are kidding me, aren't you?" He didn't answer. "Would it be against your common decency to stare at a woman you apparently find attractive if she'd drop down whatever she is wearing?"

He swung his head around towards her and gave her an alarmed look. "Wha – What are you talking about?" He didn't only look alarmed now he even sounded alarmed.

"You wouldn't flee from your own chamber if I pulled off all my clothes right now, would you?"

He widened his eyes. "W-Why would you do that?"

"You didn't answer my question."

She pretended to be about to pull out her shirt and almost saw how he was racking his brain to find a way out of this situation. He gulped as he noticed the movement of her hands. His eyes started to flicker from where her hands grabbed the hem of her shirt and her face that was telling him that she was determined to get her answers at any cost.

"I – I don't leave people a-alone in my chamber" he said quickly not being able to suppress the tension and nervousness in his voice.

She slightly lifted the hem. "So that means no?"

"Yes" he said urgently his eyes still flickering from where she was lifting the hem back to her eyes.

She lowered her hands and immediately saw a breeze of relief fluttering over his face. "So why did you really run away?"

He turned away from her again still very tense. "As I said, I didn't expect to see you like that."

"What was so shocking about my appearance that you left in such a rush?"

"I – I don't know."

"We both know that that is a lie." Her hands moved towards the hem of her shirt again.

Since he was peering over to her from the corners of his eyes he noticed that of course. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I want the truth." She lifted her shirt a little bit and revealed an inch of her belly.

He closed his eyes and took a very deep breath. "I couldn't bear seeing you like that."

"Hear hear. Why?"

"Why do you ask me all these questions? Aren't you happy that I didn't stare at you like a – like a letch?"

"So that is what it was all about?"

"What do you mean?"

"You are afraid I could think you were a letch just because you appreciate what you see?"

"Err – somewhat, yes."

"It's not that you have been peeping through the keyhole."

"I – I would never..." He looked at her totally flabbergasted.

"I didn't say you would that was just a statement. I was on my way to the bathroom and you apparently were about to knock on the door. That is the story. I wouldn't have complained if you would have taken a look. I ran the risk to be seen like that so I have hardly the right to complain if someone looks." She shrugged.

"You are odd." He looked away towards the fire again and his look fell upon the clock on the mantelpiece. "You should hurry – Dinner has already started."

"What was the reason you wanted to visit me?"

"Your last week's homework."

"You could have given it to me in the next lesson or handed it to Professor McGonagall for forwarding?"

"I could have."

"Well you could hand it to me now of course."

"It's locked in my office." He sounded somehow tired all of a sudden. "I will bring it somewhere around tomorrow. Now please leave me alone."

"Okay. Good night then."

She somewhat had a bit of a bad conscience now after forcing him to reveal his true reasons in such a way. He only nodded slightly and she left his room. On her way up to the Great Hall she was careful that no one saw her. Still a bit of in an odd mood she didn't talk to anyone at the table and immediately went up to her room. She changed into a fresh pyjama. Someone, most likely a house-elf had changed her sheets. She closed the curtains of the window on the side of the wardrobe and then went over to the other window to gaze out of it into the sky and the distance for a long time before she went to bed to lay awake for half an eternity until she eventually fell asleep.

She woke early the next morning and decided to start with her potion homework before going down to have breakfast. After breakfast she finished the potion homework and started practising charms and doing the homework for Flitwick until lunch. After lunch she decided to revise the last few Transfiguration spells followed by her homework for Herbology. At three o'clock she had finally finished all her homework that was due to the upcoming week. She prepared her bag for the next day and had just closed it when it knocked on the door. She immediately remembered that Snape wanted to come around to bring her homework.

"Come in" she just said turning towards the door.

A moment later he had stepped into the room closing the door behind him. "Hello."

"I guess you are here to give me my homework back?"

He nodded. "Yes." He came over to her and handed her a roll of parchment.

She took and enrolled it to take a quick look noticing, that there was nothing corrected. She raised an eyebrow. "Did you even read it?"

"Of course."

"There aren't any annotations or corrections."

"Because it wasn't necessary to add any."

"You are kidding me, aren't you?"

"No."

"You are telling me that there was nothing to complain about this?"

"Yes."

She rolled the parchment up again and placed it behind her on the desk. She didn't quite know what to say or how to react so she just stood there supporting her arms on the desk surface, her legs slightly crossed and looking at him. Since he remained silent she decided to speak.

"Did – Did you recover from our talk yesterday?"

He slightly raised a brow. "What do you mean?"

"Well I – I have been quite mean I think and you seemed to be a bit - bemused in the end."

He looked away from her out of the window. "Maybe."

"Are we starting to beat around the bush again?"

He sighed and looked back at her slightly irritated. "Look, there is no need to rehash that."

"I just wanted to know if you recovered from the way I've been treating you. And all you say is 'Maybe'."

He sighed again. "I apparently survived it" he snapped and looked away again.

She pushed herself away from the desk and took a step towards him. "I was just worried that I might have offended you."

He shook his head almost not visible. "I just felt stupid."

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head again and finally looked back at her. "I felt stupid because I ran away."

"I really didn't want to make you feel stupid – I was just curious."

He sighed again. "Whatever."

Now she shook her head. "No. Not whatever."

He turned his head to the side and looked down onto the floor. "Would you just drop it please?" he asked quietly.

She lifted an arm and placed her hand on his cheek to turn his head towards her again. "I just want you to know, that you don't have to feel ashamed because of something. I shouldn't have constrained you like that."

He sighed deeply and she noticed a slight tremble as he breathed out. "There are just so many things that I didn't experience by now and – and I don't want to make a fool out of myself."

She let go of his cheek and instead pulled him into a warm hug. "I'll be here to listen whenever you need an open ear. Don't be afraid to talk to me."

She felt him hinting a nod but he remained silent and so they just stood there for a while hugging. After a few minutes he began to stroke through her hair with slightly trembling fingers and she began to run her fingers up and down his back in a soothing way. Slowly she felt his tension decreasing. Eventually she detached herself from him and gave him a warm smile.

"I have and had no intention to harm you in any way. I just have the bad habit of not mincing matters."

"It's okay I – I'm just not used to the fact that someone is interested in who I am."

"You hide yourself very well. I guess there are only very few people in your life who know the man behind the mask."

"Actually only two, you and Dumbledore."

"I see" she said and was immediately reminded of her last meeting with Dumbledore. She walked past him towards the window and looked out of it. "He wanted to talk to me on Friday before dinner."

He turned towards her. "What did he want?"

"He asked if I settled in well and" she hesitated but then continued "and if I would like having potion lessons with you. He asked a bunch of odd questions."

"For example?" He slowly stepped towards her.

"If I would also like being taught by someone else and if you were favouring me. In the end it got quite clear that he was trying to hear me out."

"What did you tell him?" He sounded worried.

"Not much. I just said that I was enjoying learning potions and when he asked how you had the idea of teaching me I told him you saw me reading the potion book in the library and after I told you my humble opinion about the topic you offered me lessons." She shrugged slightly still looking out of the window.

"So you didn't mention anything about – about us?"

She shook her head. "No. Though there was a moment when he was talking about the reason why he hadn't been putting me into the usual potion class aside from too less room."

"A moment of what?"

"Well I mentioned that you were behaving quite odd at times and he agreed with me that it was because of my resemblance with Lily Evans. I was trying to be as neutral towards you as possible so I had to mention at least a spare something. But there was another thing..."

"A – Another thing?" He now rather sounded anxious.

"He used Legilimency while talking to me about you."

"He – He did what?" He was totally appalled.

"Yeah. When he revealed that to me I was quite appalled as well but he told me that I seem to be a natural in Occlumency. I don't believe that though."

"A – A natural? In Occlumency? Why would he say that?"

"He said that he wasn't able to gather the information he was interested in. He said the only things he was able to see on my mind were random pictures and memories of brewing potions or doing homework or something alike."

"Interesting. I can see where he is coming from to call you a natural." He sounded a bit more relaxed now. "If you want I can test how good your Occlumency skills are."

"Nah. No need for that. Whatever happened in his office it must have been my determination of not giving away too much unless I had no other choice."

"That is actually a good way to close your mind."

She was still looking out of the window. "Possibly but I'm not interested in Occlumency or Legilimency at the moment. Fact is that he knows nothing. Everything he might mention towards you that sounds as if he knew everything can only be pure speculation. Unless he lied to me about what he had seen in my mind."

"I don't think he has. He wouldn't have told you that he was using Legilimency on you if he had found out anything."

"Possibly." She shrugged again. "In the end he asked me to keep an eye on you."

"Keep an eye on me?"

"I guess he wants me to tell him if I notice any severe changes in your behaviour. I'm not sure, but I told him that I'm not your nanny."

"So you refused to keep an eye on me?"

"Exactly."

He covered the last few steps until he stood right behind her. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him so that the back of her head came to rest against the upper area of his chest. She placed her hands on his and closed her eyes. Banning the thoughts about Dumbledore and what he knew and what not from her mind she listened to the songs of the birds outside and felt his slightly trembling hands on her belly. After a while his hands seemed to calm down and he folded them with hers. She felt his chest moving up and down slowly with every breath he took. So they stood there for quite a while before he suddenly let go of her hands and began, once again with trembling fingers, to caress over her belly and waist. She sensed his nervousness as he even slowly lifted the hem of her shirt a little to move his trembling fingers across her skin sending light shivers down her spine but she remained silent. There was no need of worrying him as she appreciated his sudden bravery a lot.

With every inch he moved his fingers over her smooth skin his hands seemed to calm down again. He even grew a little braver and gently pushed up her shirt as his hands moved a bit higher. She held her breath for a second and felt slight goose bumps spreading over her skin. He seemed to have noticed that too because his hands paused for a moment before continuing exploring the skin of her stomach and waist. She bit he lower lip and restrained herself from taking a deep breath. She wasn't sure if he wouldn't probably interpret an appreciative sigh or breathe in a wrong way. So she just went on biting her lower lip, her eyes still closed. A while later her determination not to let out any sound got unhinged as he slowly pulled her shirt over her breasts. She restrained herself in the last moment and only mouthed a silent sigh. Unfortunately she wasn't able to suppress the twitch that went through her body as if she had been hit by a lightning. Instantly he let go of her and stepped back.

"S-Sorry I –" he stammered as if he only just now noticed what he had been doing.

She turned around slowly her shirt still remaining above her breasts. "It's okay" she said softly not even trying to hide the hint of excitement within her voice.

He looked at her appearance and gulped. "I – I don't know what got into me."

She covered the step that he had backed away and shook her head with a smile. "You just gave in to your feelings." She took his hand and placed it onto her heart. His fingers twitched as if he wanted to draw his hand back but she kept it there. "I'm positively surprised, that you've been growing so brave today."

He opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. She let go of his hand and was yet again surprised, that he didn't take it away. Instead it remained there for a few more seconds and then a few fingers began to gently trace the lacy borders of her bra up to its straps. She didn't take her eyes off him even though his eyes rather flickered from here to there to avoid looking into hers. The way his fingers trembled she could tell that he was very nervous and also the expression on his face told that he was apparently fighting with himself. The tracing went on and on so as if he didn't actually know what he was doing and before all what he should be doing. So she decided to somewhat try and help him to find out what he wanted.

"Would you please do something about my shirt?"

He withdrew his hand as if he got burned. "W – What do you mean?"

"Well – It's not that comfortable like this."

"I – I'm sorry." He reached out his hand to pull it down but she stopped his movement with her own hand and shook her head.

"Wrong direction..." she said under her breath.

"Wha..." He widened his eyes and gulped again. "You – you don't mean...d-do you?"

She only nodded slightly.

Still holding her shirt in his trembling hand he took a deep breath and also grabbed it with the other to pull it out but once again she stopped him and slightly shook her head. He gave her a puzzled look. She gave him a smile and placed her hands onto his hips and gently and slowly moved them up his waist pretending she would push up a shirt. Since he was wearing some kind of frock-coat she apparently couldn't push it up. While she did that he let out a little gasp and then placed his trembling hands on her hips. Due to all the grabbing, pushing and pulling her shirt had fallen down into its usual position again though the hem was a bit crumpled. She moved her hands back to his waist and kept them there until she had to raise her arms so he could pull the shirt off. For a second he held it in his hand looking at it before she took it and dropped it down on the floor.

Now there she stood in her jeans and the lacy black bra on her light skin. Again she had put her hand on his waist. She felt his tension and the slight quivering of his body. While appearing so dominant, cold and fathomless towards his students he appeared to be rather shy, uneasy and inexperienced around her. Since he wasn't doing anything else after having removed that shirt even tried to not look at her all too long or often she smiled to herself and thought that it was about the time she pushed him into the right direction again. So she took his hand and covered the few steps over to her bed gently dragging him with her. Reaching for the edge of the bed she turned around. Her eyes fell onto the buttons of his frock-coat and she wondered if she should dare a try to open them. She actually was interested what would be underneath because it was never described in the books. But she decided against trying to open them as she didn't want to make him feel even more uncomfortable. Instead she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him towards her while at the same time attempting to sit down on the bed.

He apparently understood the gesture, gulped and pushed her away from him gently to then push her down onto the bed by placing his hands on her shoulders with light pressure. She sat down and looked up to him somewhat expectantly. For a moment he didn't seem to know what exactly to do but then he sat down beside her still doing nothing though.

"A Knut for your thoughts..." she said with a sigh.

"I – I don't know what you expect me to do" he admitted and looked down on the floor.

"Whatever you want..." she said under her breath.

"I – I don't know what I want..."

"Look at me and follow whatever you feel like."

He sighed and lifted his head turning it towards her. She smiled. He looked at her with his black and fathomless eyes without staring. She wasn't able to tell if he appreciated what he was seeing. Eventually he turned his head away again and lowered it staring onto the floor.

"I can't do this – it doesn't feel appropriate." He sounded somewhat desperate.

"I don't want to push you but – but I actually appreciated how it began."

He let out a quivering sigh sounding as if he was close to tears again. "I've never done this before..."

"There is a first time for everything" she said softly placing a hand on his shoulder.

"So many things I know and none of them are of any use."

"Nobody can know everything."

"Still..." He shook his head as if to get rid of something haunting him.

He again was a picture of misery as slumped as he sat there. She slipped out of her slippers, crawled onto her bed and knelt down behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled her head against his back.

"I don't know why you even still mess about with me..." he said with a quivering voice.

She pulled him closer to her. "Because I want to."

"Why would someone want to deal with me?"

"I don't know why someone would but as for me – because I look behind this dark curtain and see a man who is at least as lonely as I am if not even lonelier." She didn't let go of him.

"You will freeze staying with me..."

"If that is what is waiting for me in the end it shall be. Let's call it destiny."

"You don't know what you are talking about."

"Oh believe me I do. I might be a lot younger than you are but I'm not as naive as you might think I am."

"That – that wasn't what I wanted to say."

"Then stop trying to persuade me to let you down."

"I just don't understand."

She released him from her embrace and shuffled along her knees towards the edge of the bed. There she put one foot down to the floor but remaining with one knee on the bed. In this position she moved his head towards her and took his face in both hands giving him a loving smile and said: "You don't need to understand everything. There are things in life that will always remain mysteries" before placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"How – " he croaked. "How do I deserve someone like you?"

She gave him another loving smile and shook her head. "I guess that is one of the mysteries that will not be uncovered." She let go of him sitting down one foot touching the floor the other still on the bed, her body and head turned towards him her hands placed into her lap.

He sighed deeply and then got up. "I need to be alone now."

"I see." She got up as well and picked up her shirt.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly and turned to leave.

"Don't be. It's okay."

"Hmm." He walked towards the door while she pulled over her shirt again.

He was about to push down the handle of the door. "Severus?"

He turned towards her remaining silent.

"You know you can always come to me if you feel like it."

He nodded slowly. "Thank you." And with these last words he left.


	14. Trolls and bites

**Trolls and bites**

During the next few weeks she had even two potion lessons a week because Snape thought that one would be too less to be able to catch up with the others. He apparently wanted her to catch up at any cost. She of course knew that he was also assigned to keep an eye on Professor Quirrell even though she didn't tell him. So she wasn't very surprised that he didn't visit her as often as before or if he did he never stayed long. Usually it didn't happen much either. Whenever something happened that he found suspicious he left her room. So she decided she would cut it down to just talking about lessons or rather innocuous topics. Sometimes he would let her hug him and sometimes he was rather reserved. The lessons also weren't all that much different from before but she did her best to catch up. She even somehow managed to do all the extra homework he gave her. He never gave her any points as well, at least not that she had ever noticed. She assumed that it somewhat had to do with his grudge against Gryffindor and the fact that he was trying to treat her like everyone else. But then again not gaining points from him was actually not that surprising – not losing any however was.

The day of Halloween she gained a whole lot of points in charms because she was even quicker with the Wingardium Leviosa charm than Hermione what of course made her feel rather grumpy – not mentioning that she had to practise with Ron. Lillian knew that Hermione wasn't very popular among the students due to being a bossy know-it-all but she also knew that this would change very soon. Possibly Hermione would also be friendlier around her if she was finally friends with Ron and Harry. But that wasn't something she wanted to think about now. She was actually occupied with thinking about the happenings in the evening and what it would be like to be in the middle of events instead just reading about them.

So she was quiet amazed by the decoration in the Great Hall that evening. She followed the live bats with her eyes before starting to count the pumpkins she was able to see. The feast was delicious but not soon after the golden plates had been magically filled Professor Quirrell stormed into the Great Hall. Lillian immediately knew why and threw a suspicious look at him as he announced that a troll was in the dungeons and then fainted. She shook her head. Since she didn't want to miss the feast she followed Percy and the Gryffindor students to their common room and tried to stay out of conversations and discussions about the troll. She though tried to look worried once in a while though she knew that Harry and Ron would come back healthy. And after approximately an hour she saw them joining the common room through the portrait exchanging awkward expressions with Hermione who had arrived a few minutes earlier.

From that day on Hermione was friends with Ron and Harry and she also behaved a lot less grumpy towards Lillian. On the one hand she was rather happy about it on the other she rather wanted to spend as few time as possible with them because it wouldn't be long for them to come to the, admittedly false, conclusion that Snape was after the stone. Nobody in the school knew anything about Lillian's connection to Snape aside from the private lessons and both of them liked it that way. It would be rather suspicious if anyone found out now. One day in November during break she stood a bit away from Ron, Harry and Hermione who were warming themselves with a blue flame in a jar. She watched as Snape limped over to them and how he took the Quidditch through the Ages book with him. She immediately knew that he had been injured by Fluffy when he tried to find out how far Quirrell had already come. She wondered if she should visit him later but didn't finish the thought or decide anything because the bell rang and she hurried to the next lesson with the others.

In the evening while doing homework she also refused to let Harry and Ron copy her homework what caused them to frown at her. But when she was done she offered to help them with a few things until Harry got up to fetch the book from the staff room. It suddenly occurred to her that this was the day when the real discussions about the Sorcerer's Stone would start. As soon as Harry was gone she also said good bye and left to go to bed early because she wanted to be wide awake to not miss any details of the very first Quidditch game she was going to watch the next day. But she didn't get very far. Halfway down to the third floor she bumped into Harry who was hurrying back upstairs.

"Ouch – Sorry Lillian."

"No problem. What are you hurrying for? It's not that late."

"I just found out why Snape is limping."

"Oh?" She tried to sound surprised.

"He got bitten by that three-headed dog."

"Ouch that must hurt."

"I really hope it does. However, that he was bitten can only mean that he was trying to get past it."

"Why would he want to get past that dog?" Lillian asked as casual as possible.

"I don't know. Possibly we will find out. But excuse me now. I have to get back and tell Ron and Hermione."

"Alright. Don't worry too much about that Game tomorrow. I watched some of the training and as far as I can judge it you are going to be just fine. You will crush Slytherin to pieces."

"Well thank you for trying to cheer me up. Good Night." He hurried up the stairs and she went down.

But instead of going to her room she went down to the ground floor towards the staff room. When she turned around the corner she almost bumped into Filch.

"What are you doing down here at that time?" he croaked suspiciously.

"I want to talk to Professor Snape about my homework. I got to know that I could find him in the staff room."

Filch frowned. "Professor Snape isn't there anymore. I believe that your homework has time until tomorrow."

"Well tomorrow is the Quidditch match and since it's his House playing he won't have time. Especially if they should win."

"He wouldn't want any visitors now. He isn't feeling well. So I suggest you hurry off to your room. Even though you are older than every other student doesn't free you from the rules."

"I know. I just thought I could catch him here before going to my room."

"I guess you were mistaken with that Miss. If I should find you lurking through the corridors later..." He suddenly had some sort of ugly grin on his face and she just knew too well what it meant.

"Good Night Mr. Filch" she just said and was about to turn around to leave when the door of the staff room opened and Snape limped out.

He noticed her and a flash of surprise flickered within his eyes for a second. "What is this supposed to mean?" His voice was cold.

Filch turned around. "She says she wants to talk to you about homework. She was about to leave." He turned around to give Lillian a meaningful look.

"I will deal with her" Snape said coldly and added "You can leave."

"But Professor your leg..."

"I said I will deal with her." His voice was hard as steel.

"Alright. Good Night. Good luck for the match tomorrow." And with these words Filch left.

Snape listened closely and Lillian peered around the corner to make sure that Filch really left. She only nodded as she turned around towards Snape again. Still standing within the opened door of the staff room he made a rough gesture with his head to make her follow him inside. He limped over to the next best chair. After sitting down he pointed at the chair opposite of him.

"Sit down." His voice was still somewhat cold. Apparently he was still very angry because Harry caught a glimpse of his leg and overheard a scrap of his conversation with Filch. "So you've got issues with your homework?"

She shook her head. "I just wanted to get rid of Filch. If you wouldn't have suddenly stepped out it wouldn't have worked."

"How did you know I was here?" He was frowning.

"Harry" she just said as neutral as possible.

His mouth went so thin that one was barely able to tell that he even had lips. "Potter..." he muttered through gritted teeth.

"I've been wanting to visit you anyways. He just saved me to walk down into the dungeons."

"What did he say?"

"That you were bitten by a three-headed dog." Her voice was casual.

"Do you believe him?"

"Yes. In fact I know that there is some dangerous stuff on the third floor."

"How..." he wanted to ask but she interrupted him.

"Dumbledore told it to me when I got that room. I guess he wanted to let me know the reason why nobody was allowed into that part of the corridor." That was a lie but she was sure, that Dumbledore hadn't told him anything about her knowledge.

"So he trusts you about that." It wasn't a question – it was a statement.

"Apparently. But I didn't want to discuss that dog with you. In fact I don't care why it is there and why you got bitten by it. I was worried and wanted to see if I could be of any help. I mean the match is tomorrow."

"Filch already assisted me with bandaging."

"Well shall I help you down to your room then?"

"Rather not thanks."

She more and more got the impression that he was indeed very unhappy to be with her tonight. Possibly because of the fact that Harry had heard and seen something he shouldn't have and even told her about it. She got up from her chair and grabbed her bag.

"I will leave then" she said coldly and walked towards the door.

When passing him by he suddenly grabbed her arm so that the belt of her beg slit down her arm and her rather heavy loaded bag dropped down falling on the foot of his injured leg. "Damn!" he shouted letting go of her arm his face distorted in pain.

She grabbed her bag and placed it aside. "I'm – I'm sorry!"

"No. No it's my fault" he said through gritted teeth as if he was refusing to admit it.

She stood there looking at him not sure if she should just leave or not. After a few minutes of silence she eventually dared to say something. "Well I – I'll be leaving now."

"What are you talking about?" There was a slight hint of resignation in his voice but he wasn't looking at her.

"Well I had the impression my presence irritates you additionally. Since you seem to hate Harry and since I mentioned him."

He mumbled something into his not existing beard and then looked at her. "Yes I'm irritated but..." He looked away again. "But I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Good to know" she said coolly. "Still, I came to offer you my help and you don't seem to want it so there is no reason for me to be here any longer." She turned around grabbing her bag careful not to let it anywhere close to his foot. "Get well soon. Good Night."

"I didn't want you to leave."

"Save your breath." She opened the door and left the room quickly hurrying down the corridor before he was able to follow her.

Though she knew that he was in a bad mood and additionally uneasy around her she felt somehow irritated. Even though he tried to make her stay she left him there. On her way back she realized that she had resembled Lily Evans once again when saying 'Save your breath'. She wondered if she should turn around and apologize for that phrase but then again it was of no use because she wasn't supposed to know what that phrase meant to him. Even though she had planned to go to bed early it was already late when she finally fell asleep. She hoped that there would be a chance to talk to him the next day.


	15. Quidditch and Christmas

**Quidditch and Christmas**

When she went down to breakfast the next morning she tried to cheer Harry up who was still worried and looked like he didn't sleep all night. He refused to eat something and then left with the team to change into their Quidditch robes. When Lillian, Ron and Hermione reached the Quidditch pit they joined Seamus, Neville and Dean and Hermione and Ron pulled out the banner they had created from a ruined bed sheet.

The game went on as expected and while Lillian knew everything that would happen it was very exciting to see it with own eyes and to experience it. When Harry's broom started to act up she instinctively looked over to the teacher box. Fortunately she had gotten herself binoculars so she could spot Quirrell and Snape both fixating Harry. Though only she knew that Snape was actually protecting him while Ron and Hermione only spotted Snape and immediately concluded that he must be jinxing him.

Since Lillian swore herself she wouldn't change major happenings she could only watch how Hermione left them to set Snapes cloak on fire. Through her binoculars she noticed that on her way Hermione ran into Quirrell disrupting his eye-contact with Harry. That was basically already enough to let Snape finish his counter curse before he noticed his robe was on fire.

After Harry had ended the game and gained Gryffindor the victory by catching the snitch she didn't follow the three friends and Hagrid to his cabin though they offered it. She waited until most people were gone and then went down to the dungeons straight towards Snape's office. She found the office door closed while the classroom door was open. Slowly she approached the office door and knocked.

"Who's there?" his cold voice asked from inside. He apparently was pretty angry because Slytherin had lost.

"It's me." She said.

"Leave me alone..." His voice didn't exactly sound cold anymore but there was something about it that told her to better submit to this demand.

"Alright..." she just said and turned to leave.

After dinner she went straight to her room instead of joining the victory party in the Gryffindor Common Room. She somewhat wondered if it was advisable to give it a second try to talk to him but she decided against it. While she was practising charms and transfigurations someone knocked at the door. She got up and went to open it.

"Severus!" She sounded surprised.

The expression on his face was a bit stiff. Actually more or less like usual. "May I come in?"

"Oh, yes, sure..." She let him enter.

He spotted the opened books and the wand in her hand. "Shall I come back later?"

She shook her head fervently. "No no I'm just practising a little."

He walked over to her desk pretending to check the pages in the books she had open but then turned around. "Sorry about earlier." Unfortunately he couldn't get himself to sound serious about his words.

She flailed her arms a little. "Ah no – no. It's okay I... I guess I chose the wrong moment to stop by."

"Indeed." He crossed his arms behind his back. "So. What was your desire?" He sounded rather formal.

Carefully approaching him, she tried to smile. "Ah, I wanted to apologize."

"For what reason?"

She stopped and took a deep breath. "Because of yesterday...I was mean but my pride was somewhat in my way to immediately turn around and apologize..." She looked down to the ground and fumbled with the wand in her hand.

"Indeed" he just said looking at her rather blankly.

She looked at him trying to look surprised about the consent. "Eh?"

"You seem to have expected that I'd say something else I assume?"

She nodded slowly. "Did – did I anger you?"

He shook his head with a little hesitation. "I'd rather call it sad."

"Oh" was all she could say or rather all she wanted to say as she had to be careful not to give herself away.

She sat down at the foot end of her bed and offered him the place beside her as she couldn't use the spell to widen her arm chair. After a few moments he sat beside her with a little gap between them. A foreboding kind of silence lingered in the air until he finally started to speak.

"You made me remember the moment that sort of turned out to have been the beginning of the end."

"Hmm..."

"After I had called her a mud-blood out of despair and tried to apologize she wouldn't listen and instead told me off and when I tried to make her see what she means to me I couldn't find the right words and the last thing she said before she left me alone on the corridor was 'Save your breath'"

Lillian gulped slightly as she found it appropriate. "I – I wasn't aware..."

"Of course you weren't, you couldn't know that but...well you see now."

"Somewhat and I'm really sorry." She grabbed his hand.

"When you visited me earlier I was brooding over this and additionally upset."

"Mhh I can imagine. Your house lost."

"It was more the fact that someone set my cloak on fire."

"I saw that through my binoculars – another reason I wanted to see you...to see if you were alright."

"Obviously I am." It sounded like a clinical statement with a hint of impatience in the undertone. "Did you spot the culprit?"

"No." She shook her head. It was just half a lie. While she knew who the culprit was she didn't exactly SEE Hermione set his cloak on fire.

"Too bad."

"Yes."

Unfortunately the talk didn't run very well. Both of them stared at the logs in the fireplace that still weren't set on fire. After another moment of lingering silence he once again was the one who ended it.

"Do you ever light that fireplace?" Where was that question supposed to lead?

"Not yet. Because I don't like to still have light in the room when I go to bed."

"You could just extinguish the fire with a charm."

"Well yes I could but I only know one charm that would work but it would cause a lot of smoke I assume."

"Which charm do you mean?

"Aguamenti"

"I see. Well yes depending on the size of the fire it would smoke a lot."

"So you think I should use the Reducio-charm before?

"I'd rather go for Diminuendo."

So it happened that they talked about several sorts of charms to cast fire, to resize and to extinguish it before he finally got up. He still didn't look much different from earlier though his body seemed to be less tense. She thanked him for the conversation and the handy hints about fires. This time there were no hugs, no kisses and no soft Good Night wishes, he only left after saying good bye. After he was gone she looked at the clock on the mantelpiece. It was past 9 PM so she decided to get ready for bed. Since her last night had been rather fitful she hoped to gain some more sleep tonight. It apparently worked because after she had closed the curtains she quickly fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

During the next weeks her relationship to Snape seemed to either degenerate or to be stuck. Well at least there wasn't any visible progress. Apparently that 'Save your breath' situation had killed it. She still had lessons with him and still he wasn't able to treat her like the others but there were less moments of despair at the end. Still there was tension. It was just a matter of time when this tension would finally make its way. But for now both of them had other things to worry about.

As Christmas approached Lillian remembered that Harry would get the invisibility cloak as a present and end up finding the room with the Mirror Of Erised. She was curious what she would see when she looked into it but after thinking about it, she decided, that it was possibly better not to try. But she knew what Harry would see and once again she was frighteningly aware of the way she looked. There were a few differences between Lily and her - her lumpy body being the most noticeable – but she was pretty sure that Harry would get confused anyways.

On the morning of Christmas she woke up because a house-elf apparently had lighted the fireplace. In the dime flickering of the flames she saw a few presents on her desk. She immediately got up and opened the curtains and the window despite the freezing coldness outside. While fresh air streamed into the room she walked barefooted over to her desk and looked at the presents. They were small but she hadn't really expected to receive something. The biggest present looked like it could be a book. She opened it and found a new redaction of "Magical Drafts and Potions" by Arsenius Jigger and a card that said "Merry Christmas. S.". She smiled. Apparently Snape thought that it was better to have her own book. Now she was finally able to scribble annotations on the pages. She gently placed the book back onto her desk and grabbed the next present and shook it a little. It was sort of a box with something inside that clattered upon shaking. She removed the wrapping and held a box of Liquorice Snaps in her hand. The box had a tag hanging down from it that said "Merry Christmas Ms. Block. I hope you are in for liquorice. But be careful they are sharp. A. Dumbledore". She smiled and remembered these sweets to bite so she considered it was possibly better to use her dragon hide gloves whenever she wanted to eat some. The next present contained a nose-biting teacup. No tag no card but she knew that this could only be a present from the Weasley twins. She smirked and placed the box with the cup aside to grab the last present. It contained a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans and a Chocolate Frog. The tag hanging from the box said it was a gift from Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Slightly humming and with a smile she closed the windows again, got dressed and went up to the Gryffindor tower. She thanked the twins and Harry, Ron and Hermione for their presents and apologized for not having anything for them. Only in this moment she also noticed that she apparently had nothing for Snape or Dumbledore. Still she didn'T stop smiling and chuckling.

"You seem to be in a good mood Lillian" said Fred and nudged her.

"Well I got presents that I didn't expect – why shouldn't I be in a good mood?"

"True." agreed George.

"I also got presents I didn't expect" said Harry. "Was quite a surprise."

"Well that is nice isn't it? Even Dumbledore gifted me with a package of liquorice snaps. I guess he thought I might be happy to at least get a spare something."

"Uhh Dumbledore himself gave you something?" Ron and Harry seemed to be impressed.

Lillian shrugged. "Well – I'm more or less all alone in this world so I guess he thought that before I end up empty-handed he gives me something."

"But you know you need to be careful when eating them. They are snappy." said Fred.

"Well I guess I will use my dragon hide gloves then."

They spent the morning talking about presents, nettling each other and wondering about dinner. The Great Hall looked pretty when they came down and the food was excellent. While eating she stole a peep over to the staff table and smiled gently as she spotted Snape who was apparently also secretly looking over to the Gryffindor table to catch a glimpse of her. She felt very comfortable and had a lot of fun with her comrades and watching the happenings at the staff table. When Harry finally got up from the table she followed him. They were both packed with contents from the wizard crackers. She happened to have collected a few wizard chess figures and a Gobstones game. She actually didn't know how to play it and actually these kinds of games weren't her cup of tea either but she decided to keep it for now. She on the third floor she parted from Harry and back in her room she placed the figures and the Gobstones game into the cupboard beside her desk. She then decided to pay Dumbledore a short visit to thank him for the present and then try to visit Snape to do the same. She met Dumbledore on the third corridor about to enter the spiral staircase.

"Ah Ms. Block. A Merry Christmas to you." He smiled cheerfully still wearing that flowering bonnet carrying his wizard hat in one hand.

"You too, Professor. Thank you for the Liquorice Snaps. I indeed like liquorice."

"You are welcome. Glad to hear. There aren't many people I know who like it. But as I mentioned on the tag – be careful."

"I'll be. Fred and George Weasley warned me about them being snappy. Hence the name I guess."

"Indeed. Well you will have to excuse me now. I have something to take care of."

"Of course. A good day to you." She smiled and turned around to walk towards the stairs.

In the Entrance Hall she met the Weasleys and Harry who were about to go outside to have a snowball fight. She declined as they offered to wait for her to get dressed for joining them but she declined. She waited until they were gone and then walked towards the passage down to the dungeons. She made sure that nobody saw or followed her and finally reached Snape's room. She knocked.

"Who is there?"

"Me."

She heard steps and seconds later he opened the door. He looked a bit surprised and let her in throwing a look into the corridor before closing the door.

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to thank you for the book." She smiled but then looked down.

"You are welcome." He noticed her slightly embarrassed expression. "Something wrong?"

"Well I have nothing for you..."

"You already gave me more than I deserve anyways."

"You don't want to have such a conversation on Christmas do you?" She looked up and straight into his face.

He just shrugged and walked over to his armchair. She followed him.

"Does Christmas mean anything to you?" she asked.

He shrugged again before slowly shaking his head staring into the fire.

"What a pity..." She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her forehead against his back.

He sighed silently. "Why do you still mess about with me?"

"Why did you gift me with that book?"

"Because I thought you would want your own copy of it."

"Well yes it's useful."

"So why are you still dealing with me?"

"Because I want to and because I think you need some affection for a change once in a while." Her voice was soft but determined.

He sighed again and detached himself from her to sit down on the armchair. Since she didn't even think of leaving him alone she followed him and sat on his knees. He tried to look past her into the fire and tried to maintain a more or less expressionless face but she knew that she made him feel sort of uncomfortable. He eventually tipped the armchair with his wand and it expanded again. But she didn't think to sit beside him. Instead she squeezed herself next to him in a lying position her legs over the armrest and her head in his lap. He looked down on her his eyes slightly widened and then looked away.

"What – what do you think you are doing there?"

"Well I suppose it's called lying." She smirked.

"You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

"In this regard you aren't so much like Lily..."

"Well I'm myself in the first place. I might share some traits with her but we are different persons."

"I tend to keep forgetting that."

She sat up and turned her head towards him. "Well then I guess I need to remind you once in a while."

He still tried not to look at her but she raised one hand and put it on his cheek to move his head towards her with gentle force. When he was more or less forced to look at her she smiled softly and moved her lips towards his. At first she felt his lips only trembling before eventually returning the kiss as if it was the first time he was kissing her. While kissing him her eyes were closed and her hand wandered from his cheeks down over his shoulder, down his chest towards his waists in gentle strokes. He ended the kiss and shivered. She opened her eyes to find out that he had his eyes closed and was apparently trying to suppress a sigh. She smirked and let her hand gently wander back from his waists up to his cheek in the same fashion. Upon passing his shoulder she felt the tension.

"Don't you like it?" She almost whispered.

"I – I don't know..." He felt her fingers gently stroking over his neck moving towards his cheek.

"Well you feel tense..."

He finally opened his eyes. "I admit that I feel quite embarrassed."

When he tried to look away again she moved his head back towards her. "There is no need to feel embarrassed."

He said nothing. She eventually let go of his head and first got herself into a sitting position to then get up and sit on his lap facing him. He had his head turned to the side again and avoided looking at her. She once again turned his head towards hers, this time with both hands, and then gave him another gentle kiss. He sat there like a pillar of salt. She detached herself a little while still sitting on him. Finally he opened his eyes. His lips twitched as if he wanted to say something but no word left his mouth. She coked her head a little.

"What is the problem?" she asked quietly with a vague smile on her lips.

He shrugged lightly then he suddenly lifted a hand and let a finger run over her lips and slowly down her chin, her throat to then stop when reaching her breast bone. Once again he looked away and placed his hand back down beside him on the cushion of the extended armchair. She sighed silently, slid down from his lap and sat down beside him. Both of them stared into the flames for half an eternity until he suddenly placed his head on her shoulder and took one of her hands.

"Why...?" He almost sounded as if he was sobbing but his body wasn't shaking.

"Why what?" She sounded mildly concerned.

"Why do I feel so guilty when being with you?"

She fell silent for a moment. What to reply? She had ideas but they included to admit more emotional embroilment as currently advisable. While it was obvious to her that he apparently felt something towards her it was possible, that he had not yet realized let alone accepted it himself.

"I don't know..." she finally replied and turned her body towards him a little so his head came to rest close to her neck. She also placed an arm around him and a hand on his head.

She could feel the slight trembling of his hand on hers and after a while he let go of her hand and grabbed hold of her shoulder. She really had the impression that he felt horribly torn between Lily and herself. A moment later he detached himself from her entirely and looked at the clock on the mantelpiece.

"Supper will start soon." He tried hard to sound casual.

"I guess that means you want me to leave."

He only nodded and looked into the fire.

She got up after squeezing his hand a last time. "Well then. Have a nice evening...somehow..." She tried to sound confident.

"I have patrol duty tonight." He still tried to sound casual.

"I see." There wasn't much she could say so she turned around and walked towards the door. When she pushed down the handle she turned her head towards the armchair again. "See you later." And without waiting for a reply she left his room.

During supper she tried to cheer up a little and though supper wasn't as spectacular as lunch had been it was still delicious and she could distract herself a little by listening to the conversations at the table.

After dressing for bed she took her new copy of the potions book, sat down onto the armchair in front of the fireplace and started to scribble annotations here and there before she finally extinguished the fire way past midnight. When she went to bed she wondered if Harry had already found the mirror or if he was still in the restricted section of the library before she finally fell asleep.


	16. Confusion

**Confusion**

On Boxing Day she decided it was better not to leave her room as she didn't want to run into Harry yet. She actually only left her room for breakfast, lunch and supper. She did the same the next day. Each time she left her room she paid a lot of attention not to be seen by Harry. She always went down before the leftovers disappeared so she was able to at least get something to eat and to drink. After supper the second evening Dumbledore paid her a visit short after she had returned there.

"Ms. Block?" He stood outside.

"Yes?" She turned around a little surprised.

"May I come in?"

"Ah, of course."

He said the password and entered the room. "Good evening Ms. Block." He said with a friendly tone while closing the door.

"Good evening Professor."

"Me and other teachers noticed that you have been very late for the meals the last two days."

"That was on purpose. I was trying to avoid meeting Harry."

"Oh? Did you two have an argument?"

"No. But I know that he has discovered the Mirror Of Erised and seen his parents. Due to my striking resemblance to Lily Potter I guessed it was better for both of us if we didn't see each other for the time being. Though, I imagine that he has already somewhat figured it out."

"I assume he has. But the Mirror will be relocated tomorrow. And the holidays end soon. You can't hide in your room the entire time."

"Ah I know. I just don't know what to do or to say when I meet him."

"Well it apparently is a coincidence that you look a lot like Lily. You could just say that." He smiled.

She suddenly felt incredibly stupid. "I could have figured this out myself..."

"Sometimes we aren't able to see the wood for the trees."

"Ehehe indeed." She looked down at the floor.

"Did you take a look at the mirror yourself?"

"Well...I wondered if I should but decided against it."

"I see. Well then. Have a nice evening." He turned around and left.

For a moment she stared at the door and the hit her forehead with her hand. She really could have come up with that herself. But then again she wondered if telling him it was a mere coincidence was really enough. Since there wasn't any homework left to do she decided to go to the library and borrow some light reading before going to bed.

The next morning as she went down to breakfast she met Harry in the Entrance Hall and he immediately stopped dead.

"Mum?" he whispered staring at her.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm Lillian."

He fervently shook his head and then ran a hand through his face. "Of course. It's just..."

But before he could finish Ron and the twins joined them and they went to have breakfast. Lillian tucked in. The past two days of only a few leftovers and sweets got her really hungry.

"Now that I see you tucking in like that.." said Ron before biting into a sausage.

"Got a problem with that?"

He shook his head and swallowed. "Nah. I just wondered why you haven't been attending the meals the last two days and why you didn't come to visit us in the common room."

"I slept long and took my meals very late. But I was occupied with getting all the homework done."

"Wow. Does that mean you are done now?"

She nodded slowly while spreading jam on her toast. "But I won't let you two copy." She smirked.

"You are like Hermione." Ron looked disappointed.

"If you always copy from others you won't learn something." She giggled before biting into her toast.

"Yeah Ron. You won't learn something from copying." chorused the twins and then grinned broadly at Lillian.

She gave them a smug grin.

"Can you at least help us?" Ron ignored his brothers and sounded almost desperate.

"Ahh well I guess I can help you a little. What do you need help with?"

"The essay for Potions. You seem to be pretty good in Potions."

"Mhh I will see what I can do."

Harry didn't talk much during breakfast but she noticed that he was looking over to her once in a while. When they left the Great Hall Lillian followed them into the common room and helped them with their essays though Harry didn't seem to be able to follow her words. He apparently still brooded about the mirror and why Lillian looked like his mother. When at least Ron seemed to have understood enough to complete his essay without her help she walked over to another chair and Harry followed her.

"So what was the matter earlier?" she asked quietly.

"Well there was this mirror I found two days ago that shows things you want to see."

"Oh? There is a mirror that shows things you want to see?"

"Mhh obviously. Anyways...it showed me my parents and upon meeting you today I suddenly realized why Mum seemed so familiar to me for a reason other than being my Mum."

"Aha?" She tried to pretend to be as curious as possible.

"Well you resemble my Mum a lot so for a moment I thought she was back..."

"I guess that is a coincidence. I mean as far as I know your legend your parents are both dead and as far as I'm aware there is no charm or spell to bring back the dead – well unless you want brainless zombies."

He nodded. "I know – I was just confused."

"I can see why. But I'd be thankful if you don't start seeing me as some sort of substitute mum."

"I won't."

"Good."

Ron finally got up and walked over to them. "Harry you also need to write the essay."

"I know. We just had to sort something out. I will tell you later.

Lillian got up. "Okay. I will leave now."

"But what about Harry's essay?" Ron grabbed her arm.

"Well what about you explain to him? That way you can cement your knowledge."

"You sound like a teacher."

"Well you tend to forget that I'm older than the two of you together."

After she had finally persuaded them to finish their essays alone she left the common room and returned to her own room to read a little before attending lunch. She felt somewhat relieved that the mirror-incident didn't cause as much of a hassle as she had expected. After all, Harry and Ron had other things to concern themselves with, such as finding out who Nicholas Flamel was.


	17. Dragons and trapdoors

**Dragons and trapdoors**

After the holidays she tried to not hang out with Harry, Ron and Hermione too much as she wasn't keen on getting overly involved with the actual adventure. Though the three friends somewhat introduced her to their plans and thoughts she tried to avoid it as good as possible. The afternoon they would learn about Snape's desire to be a Quidditch referee and finally find out who Nicholas Flamel was, she was watching the chess game between Ron and Hermione, when Harry entered the common room after a Quidditch practice. After he told them that Snape was apparently going to be referee in the next match Hermione and Ron gave him worried advice. Lillian only vaguely shook her head.

"What? He shouldn't play. Seriously Snape already tried to knock him of the broom last time." Hermione snapped at Lillian.

"You don't really still believe that, do you?"

"Indeed."

"Codswallop!"

"We saw he was mumbling curses."

"You saw he was 'mumbling' rather applies in this case."

"Do you know more than us?"

"I'm just not wildly accusing people to have dishonest motives only because they behave a bit antisocial."

"Antisocial?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "You call Snape 'antisocial'?"

"Indeed. He most likely has his reasons to behave the way he does." Lillian shrugged.

"He hates Gryffindor Students – especially Harry!" exclaimed Ron angrily.

"Well he might have his reasons to hate this house. I mean you have your Reasons to dislike Slytherin as well – aside from Snape being the Head of the House."

"One could think you favour him." said Hermione suspiciously.

"Why would I?"

"You defend him."

"Nonsense. I just happened to have learned about psychology on high school."

"So you are just being smart ass about something you learned on a muggle school?" Ron asked though he actually had no idea what she had just said.

"So to speak."

"Sounds reasonable." The suspicious tone in Hermione's voice had vanished.

"After all. Wizards and witches are humans with special abilities. We are all human – Muggle or not. So while magic can do things normal humans can't do we all have the same basic set of emotions. That is why I guess Snape possibly has his reasons of being the way he is."

Before anyone could say anything Neville hopped through the portrait hole. After Hermione had performed the counter-curse they forgot about Lillian for a moment and as Harry discovered the name 'Nicholas Flamel' on the Chocolate Frog Card Neville handed him. Lillian left while Hermione was fetching the Alchemy book from the girl's dormitory. She had no desire to get into more trouble. She was lucky that Hermione was Muggle-born otherwise the psychology-excuse might not have worked.

On the day of the match she seemed to be the only one who stayed calm aside from cheering for the Gryffindor team of course. When Malfoy appeared and started to bully Ron and Neville she withdrew from the scene a bit not to get involved. She guessed that it was her sheer age that kept Malfoy from bullying her around though the way he looked at her at times was enough to tell her that he apparently despised her for being muggle-born and additionally in the House of Gryffindor. Most likely also, because she was friends with Harry. But she didn't give a damn on what Malfoy thought about her and it was only his luck that he didn't seem to have the guts to take her on.

After Gryffindor had won she didn't join the masses that streamed back to the castle. She knew that Snape would meet with Quirrell in the Forbidden Forest this evening. When she saw Harry walking to the broom shed she decided it was about time to return to the castle as she didn't want to be tempted to follow Snape to his meeting. He didn't know that she knew about his duties and the stone and it was better that way. When she entered the castle she met him in the Entrance Hall. She greeted him politely but he didn't even look at her. He only marched through the gate . She sighed and joined the others in the Great Hall.

"Did you see Harry, Lillian?" Hermione asked.

Lillian nodded. "After the turbulences of the match I decided to walk around a little. When I went in I saw him heading over to the broom shed. I guess he wanted to lock away his broom." She grabbed a sandwich.

"I see. I guess he'll be joining us soon then."

Lillian knew that he wouldn't join them all too soon. She joined Fred and George to prepare the Party in the common room when Harry finally appeared and had to talk to Hermione and Ron. Despite their guesses about how long Quirrell would possibly be able to stand up against Snape nothing was happening during the upcoming weeks. Luckily the exams were coming closer and along with Hermione she drove Ron and Harry almost crazy about repeating content and practising wand movements. So there wasn't much time to dwell on Snape and the stone. Aside from the private lessons, she hadn't met Snape since Christmas, mostly due to her decision of not bothering him overly, and also because of the immense workload. One afternoon when they were studying in the library they spotted Hagrid. Lillian instantly knew he was borrowing books about dragon breeding though she of course didn't say it. She didn't need to do so anyways because they figured it out on their own. When they went to visit Hagrid later she was quite fascinated with the baby dragon but also supported the view, that he couldn't keep it, especially after Draco had found out about it.

Lillian tried to stay out of the plans how to get rid of Norbert as she had no desire to get detention. Also because she knew that she would have to attend the search for the wounded unicorn. While she was curious about the Forbidden Forest she was also determined not to get overly involved with the actual adventure. So she kept Ron company in the common room while he was waiting for Harry and Hermione to return from their detention. They played chess and when Ron was too tired to wait any longer he went to bed and Lillian left.

There was still a lot to do for the exams so she mainly focused on studying. While she found magic and everything related to it to be far more interesting than Muggle school contents she had hard times remembering everything. So she was quite delighted when the exams were finally over. She and Hermione seemed to be the only ones who were interested in talking about the tests and assignments. Similar to Hermione Lillian realized that she had learned far too much despite knowing that several things were actually unnecessary. All in all she had the impression that her results would be at least adequate. She joined the three friends when they walked over to the lake but didn't quite interfere with their conversation. She pretended to be fully occupied with watching the twins and Lee Jordan nettling the Giant Squid or other students as they were lounging around. She didn't follow when Harry and the other hurried to Hagrid's cabin. Tonight would be the night. Tonight the three of them would enter the trapdoor. Lillian only knew too well what would wait for them and what would happen.

No student knew where her room was, so it wasn't very hard for her to monitor the happenings. She had no invisibility cloak but she could always hide herself behind the corner to her room and in case Filch saw her she could just say she was going to the toilet as she hadn't one in her room. So she roamed the third corridor between her room and the stone gargoyle rather excitedly waiting for Hermione and Ron to appear. When they did she offered to take Ron to the hospital wing and she thankfully accepted while she hurried off to the owlery to send Dumbledore a letter.

Madam Pomfrey sure asked her a lot of questions about what she was doing out of bed at night and why Ron was knocked out but Lillian only said that she found him like that while she had been on her way to the toilet and luckily Madam Pomfrey seemed to believe her. Lillian stayed with Ron until Hermione joined the hospital wing herself to see how Ron was. It didn't take long until Dumbledore arrived, transporting Harry who was unconscious. Madam Pomfrey immediately took care of him and Ron, who was conscious again and healed, Hermione and Lillian were sent to bed.

It happened that she had passed all her exams even though History of Magic had been a close shave. She had never overly liked history and while magic history was a tad more interesting than Muggle history it was history nevertheless. But she passed so she was allowed to attend the second year. And then it hit her. She had never wasted a thought about how and where she was going to spend the summer holidays.

She met Dumbledore when he returned from the hospital wing after he had visited Harry.

"Oh hello Ms. Block. I've heard from Poppy that you brought Mr. Weasley to the hospital wing three nights ago." He seemed to be in a good mood.

"Indeed I did. But we possibly shouldn't talk about these matters on the corridor."

"I'm sure at least half the school already knows about the happenings of that night. These kinds of things make bad secrets."

"Mhh yes but well as far as I'm aware they don't know about my special knowledge."

"Ah of course." He walked towards the stone gargoyle, said the password and entered the stone steps.

Lillian followed him. "I was actually on my way to see Professor McGonagall." They entered his office and she closed the door.

"Ah well I guess that will have time."

"Well basically it's possibly better I talk to you instead of her. But about the thing with the stone..."

"Did everything happen the way you expected?"

She nodded slowly. "More or less. I can't really estimate some of the happenings as I tried to stay out of it as good as possible. But I was monitoring the corridor in the night they went through the trapdoor and was able to support Ms. Granger when she was on her way to the owlery. I offered her to take care of Mr. Weasley so I did. End of story."

"I see. I heard that you passed your exams with flying colours?"

"Ah yeah I guess you could put it like that, though I've always had my issues with history." She giggled a little before clearing her throat. "My passed exams are actually the reason I wanted to talk to Professor McGonagall."

"Do you want to confess to have cheated?" He raised an eyebrow and smiled when she shook her head.

"No. I didn't cheat. It's more that passing the exams made me aware of the summer holidays."

Dumbledore sighed. "Ah yes. Since you came from another world there is no place for you to go over the holidays."

"Exactly. Though I know, that Tom Riddle used to stay in Hogwarts during holidays as he had no place to return to either."

"Indeed he did. A few other students from other houses also stay here over the holidays so you could do so as well if you wanted."

She shrugged. "Only, if it isn't too much of trouble."

"Well you'd have to obey the same rules of not using magic. While you are too old to have the trace on you it would just be fair. You may however use a tiny amount within the walls of this school in order to practice or do homework."

"I'm aware of that Professor."

"Good. Then I don't see a reason why you shouldn't just stay." He smiled and then added: "Since you aren't underage anymore you can also decide to visit the village though you aren't yet in the third grade. The other students who stay over are going to be in the fourth grade after summer."

"I see. I will take it into consideration."

"Then everything is set I assume?"

"Yes. Thank you. I will meet you at the end-of-year feast."

"Indeed." Dumbledore smirked. Lillian knew that he would be giving Harry and the others extra points.


	18. Progress?

**Progress?**

The feast was delicious in more than one way. When Dumbledore had dished out his last minute points and everyone was cheering she caught a glimpse of him and gave him a smug grin. He replied with a wink. Snape of course didn't look very pleased with Gryffindor winning the House Cup. She decided she would pay him a last visit after the feast as she suspected he would stay in the school over the holidays. She was pretty sure that he would withdraw to Spinner's End.

So it happened that, when the other students were already in their common rooms, she was on her way down to the dungeons. When she reached the passage that lead to Snape's room she saw him when he closed his office door and marched towards the door of the classroom. He stopped dead when he noticed her in the light of a nearby torch, then he hurries towards her, grabbed her arm and pulled her towards his room looking around if there was anybody watching or following. While his grip was rather rough she knew that it wasn't out of bad intention. He let go of her when they were inside of his room and the door was closed. Silently he stepped away from her. The expression on his face was a mixture of reproach and disappointment. Apparently he was still a bit grumpy about the House Cup incident.

"What do you want?" His voice was icy.

"We haven't been seeing each other much aside from our lessons, so I thought I'd come and cheer you up."

"Did you ever waste a thought about that your presence isn't cheering me up at all?" He obviously was in a pretty foul mood.

"Ehhh..." She didn't quite know what to say.

Evaluating it he was possibly right. She had smitten him with despair, confused him, made him feel awkward and embarrassed and made him feel guilty when he was with her. Upon realizing these things she looked down and shuffled with her feet still not knowing what to say.

"Leave me alone!" he shouted and pointed to the door.

"Uhm okay." She gulped and turned around grabbing the handle. "Ha- Happy Holidays..." she mumbled without looking at him before she left and hurried up to her room.

She felt heavy all of a sudden. While she was somewhat aware of his moods whenever she had been around him she never wasted a thought about seeing it from that perspective. But then again he never really gave her a reason to do so. Whenever she had been feeling bad about being pushy or too much of a tease, she had apologized and he never seemed to be really angry with her.

She sighed as she prepared herself to go to bed. Once again she had a hard time falling asleep. When she was about to give up she heard a rustling sound outside on the corridor and soon afterwards how a male voice whispered her password. She pretended to be fast asleep but noticed that the person entering had lighted their wand. She heard how they closed the door as quiet as possible and then approached the bed.

"Nox." He whispered and the light ceased.

She didn't dare to move though she had already recognized that it was Snape.

He sat down on the edge of her bed and felt for one of her hands because it was pitch black in the room. "I'm sorry." He whispered. Though he was whispering his voice sounded as if he felt very miserable.

She went on pretending to sleep and suppressed the urge to squeeze his hand as he took hers.

"I did you wrong." He lightly squeezed her hand. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I hope you will enjoy your holidays."

He was about to get up and wanted to let go of her hand but she decided it was about time to reveal that she was wide awake, so she grabbed his hand. He was so surprised that he sat down again right away.

"You – you are awake?"

"Yes. I couldn't sleep after that encounter."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. It's okay." She sat up and put a hand on his shoulder. "I should have evaluated our meetings a bit more. I actually thought I had done so but I was apparently wrong."

She could feel how he shook his head. "No. It was me who didn't evaluate things enough." He placed a hand on her hand.

"I guess we can blame it on a lack of communication." Her voice was calm and reasonable.

He felt that he nodded slowly. "I guess that is correct."

They sat there like that for a little while before he finally turned towards her and put his arms around her waist. She didn't know why but for some reason this move caused a tingling sensation to run through her body. She didn't even dare to breath and closed her eyes as she felt his face approaching hers and his lips finally found hers. The kiss was gentle and when it ended he attempted to place his head on her shoulder but since he was a little taller than her it didn't quite work out while still being comfortable. So he detached himself from her instead.

She patted the mattress beside her. "Lie down next to me." She offered but he didn't move. "Is there a problem or are you on patrolling duty?"

"I'm fully dressed."

"Oh. Well you could take off your cloak and your boots. That would be enough."

"Hmm."

"Do you need light?"

"No. I'm fine." He got up.

She heard his robes rustling and a moment later he sat down again apparently about to take off his boots. She lay back down again. It was hard to believe. Last time she had asked him to stay with her for the night he had declined. Possibly he accepted now because she actually hadn't mentioned anything about spending the night with her. She had merle offered him to lay down beside her for convenience. While she thought about if she should ask him again to stay with her for the night laid down beside her. Since she was lying pretty close to the edge of the bed she slid over to the other side a little but he didn't move.

"I thought you possibly need a little more space."

"Oh. Thank you." He moved closer.

She lifted her head and tried to push her pillow a little into his direction but since he didn't lift his head she only pushed it against it. "Uhm don't you want a little of the pillow?"

"I'm fine without."

"Oh okay." She pulled her pillow back.

So there they were, lying beside each other doing nothing but possibly staring into the darkness. After a while she noticed his hand feeling around until he found hers that were folded on her stomach. She smiled to herself. Under all the coldness and cruelty he could be pretty sweet. So she turned onto her side, moved a little closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder while putting one arm on his chest and wrapping the other around her own waist. She could feel how he slowly placed his hand on hers and pressed it onto his chest so she could feel his heartbeat through all the stuff he was wearing. He either had a strong heartbeat or she felt it because he was excited. She decided it was better not to ask as she didn't want to end up having ruined the moment.

He loosened the pressure on her hand. "Did you feel it?" He was whispering again.

She nodded slightly. "I did."

He turned around and attempted to slide his arm under her but failed because of her blanket. She sat up and giggled and covered him with the blanket as well before she sank back and nestled up with him. The man who always seemed to be so unapproachable, cold hearted and cruel could be tamed just like that. Her head was resting against his upper chest while his was resting on her head. His hand was stroking up and down her back, at first with a little hesitation but since she didn't seem to mind he got more confident. She wasn't sure if she should do anything with him. With almost the same hesitation she began to rub his neck gently. Immediately he stopped stroking her back so she stopped as well.

"Sorry..." she whispered.

He slightly shook his head. "I was just surprised."

"Then you don't mind?"

"Not yet."

Sometimes it was nasty that he expressed himself so vaguely but she didn't complain. There was no room for complaints. Not tonight. She didn't want to chase him off now that he finally seemed to feel comfortable being so close to her. As he continued stroking her back she continued rubbing his neck. She couldn't ignore a new wave of tingling sensations running through her body but she took good care not to make any sudden movements or sounds he could misinterpret. After a while he suddenly slid his hand under the top of her pyjama and went on as before just now on her naked skin. She bit her lip as she yet again felt a wave of tingling sensations within her. She had possibly done the same but she couldn't get her hands under his frock coat even if she tried so she hadn't much of a choice but to continue rubbing his neck.

Actually this was already quite a progress in her onion so she decided it was probably for the best if she just enjoyed the situation as it was and actually it was pretty comfortable and soothing. There wasn't much to say and not much to do and slowly the soothing feeling took over her body and she felt pretty tired.

It was sort of a surprise when she woke up. For a moment it felt like still dreaming but she soon realized that this was real. She was lying on her side and engulfed in his arms. She must have fallen asleep last night and him as well since he was lying close behind her and she could feel his chest moving up and down calmly. She wondered if he was still asleep but didn't dare to move as she didn't want to wake him or scare him now that he apparently stayed with her for the whole night. So she closed her eyes again and smiled to herself. What she didn't know was that he indeed was already awake. He had been awake for quite a while wondering why it was still so dark. Slowly he moved his hand towards her face and stroked through it with a few fingers. It tickled a little but she made no sound. Soon his fingers reached her lips and traced them noticing the smile but before he could withdraw his hand again she took it and placed a kiss on his fingers.

"You – You are awake?"

"Mhh. Obviously." She giggled softly.

"What time is it?"

"Most likely morning."

"But why is it so dark?"

"The curtains are bewitched. When my room was decorated by Professor Flitwick, I told him that I prefer to have it dark when I sleep. So he bewitched the curtains to not let through any light."

"I see."

She turned around in his arms as far as possible to be able to place a hand on his cheek. "Thank you." she whispered and lifted her head to kiss him gently.

"For what?"

"For spending the night with me."

"But... we... didn't..."

She placed a finger on his lips and shook her head. "We still spent the night together even though we fell asleep." She lowered her hand again.

He said nothing.

"Do you feel uncomfortable?"

"No. I'm just worried."

"Why?"

"When it's already morning the other teachers might wonder where I am."

"I see." She sighed a little.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head again. "I can hardly complain."

"Still..."

She once again silenced him by putting a finger on his lips before kissing him again. "No really. Last night I didn't want to ask you to stay with me for the night because I was afraid I could chase you away again. So I can call myself happy that you spent the night with me anyways."

He once again said nothing.

She fell silent as well, turned her head away from him a little and stared into the darkness. The moment she began to wonder if she should get up and open the curtains she felt his hand touching her cheek turning her head towards him again with gentle force and before she could say anything she felt his lips wandering from her forehead over her nose down to her lips. She closed her eyes. While starting gentle the kiss became more and more passionate over time. The hand that he had placed on her cheek wandered down her neck, over her shoulder down her side to her waist where it remained for a moment before starting to explore her belly. A shiver ran down her spine and where it ended ripples of heat started to pulse and spread through her body. His hand was about to slide under her pyjama top again when someone knocked at the door.

Immediately he detached himself from her and she sat up.

"Ms. Block? Are you there?" It was Dumbledore.

"I just woke up." she said.

"May I come in?"

"That wouldn't be uhm appropriate... currently. I – erm – I'm not...decent."

Snape sunk back into her bed.

"Indeed that would be inappropriate. I'm looking for Professor Snape. Could you please tell him that I want to talk to him in case you meet him?"

"Sure."

"Thank you. Also – you should hurry if you want to have something for breakfast."

"I see."

"I see you later. A good day to you."

She eavesdropped until Dumbledore's steps vanished and then sunk back into her pillow.

"Well I guess you heard him." She said after a minute had passed.

He sat up. "Obviously."

She sighed, scrambled out of bed, grabbed her wand from the bedside table and poked the curtain. The sun was shining and she squinted while opening the window. Then she turned around to him. He was putting on his boots. She went around the bed, passed him by and poked the other curtain with her wand as well. Meanwhile he picked up his cloak from the floor while getting up. She stepped over to him and smiled.

"I guess it's possibly better if you leave this room last. It would look a bit suspicious if you now went to Dumbledore's office."

"I guess you are right."

She went over to the armchair and sorted her clothes into the right order.

"Ah wait." He sounded a bit alarmed.

She turned around her bra in her hand. "Hm?"

He turned around towards the window upon noticing the bra.

She giggled, put the bra aside and walked towards him. "If you still don't feel comfortable seeing me like that I will change in the bathroom." She embraced him from behind.

He gulped slightly. "I – I will just look out of the window."

She let go of him. "Okay."

She walked back to the armchair and began to take of her pyjama. She just threw its top and pants onto the bed and then started to dress. She was facing the fireside while doing so she didn't see that he was sometimes secretly peeping over his shoulder. Even though he acted pretty timid and overly decent around her – he was a man after all. When she was fully dressed again she walked over to him to open the second window as well and then fluffed her pillow and folded back the blanket. She would make the bed later unless a house-elf would forestall her. He had turned away from the window and watched her for a moment before approaching her again.

"You should really hurry. Breakfast is almost over."

"Ah yeah." She took a look at the clock. "Indeed. Time is ticking away." She walked over to her bedside table and took her wand. "What will you tell Dumbledore where you have been?"

"He usually doesn't ask me unless it's important."

She smiled vaguely. "Since he was curious in the past and used Legilimency on me..."

"I'm a good Occlumens."

"I...I see. That is good then I guess."

"Indeed."

She walked over to him. "Well...I guess this is Good Bye then?"

"Obviously."

She hugged him tightly before she stepped towards her door. Before she left the room she turned around a last time. A lonely tear ran down her cheek but she was smiling when she said: "I see you next term Professor." She left without giving him time to reply.


	19. Goodbye for now

**Goodbye for now**

She spend the last day playing chess with Ron and Harry and even Hermione, the four of them played Exploding Snap together with Ron's brothers or helping them to pack their trunks.

"Don't you have to pack your things?" asked Ron while he was trying to squeeze clothes into his totally messy trunk.

Lillian shook her head in disbelief. "Seriously Ron you should fold your stuff before putting it into the trunk. And no I don't need to pack anything." She emptied his trunk and started folding shirts.

Ron pouted. "You sound like my mother."

"Don't you go home?" Harry seemed surprised.

"Well no. Since I came from another 'dimension' and since I by now didn't find a way to go back I will stay in Hogwarts over the holidays."

"Ah yeah we almost forgot, that you have no place to return to."

"Well I have but it's apparently not easy to reach."

They talked about their families while packing and went to have supper together later. The next day she decided it was a good idea to accompany the students when they were brought to Hogsmeade Station by boat. Since she was allowed to visit the village she joined Hagrid when he decided to have a drink in The Three Broomsticks. The pub was nice and while Muggle beer had never been her cup of tea she liked Butterbeer very much. She had an amusing day with Hagrid in the pub and later in his cabin. They talked a lot about creatures and she comforted him a little when he started feeling guilty again about the thing about Fluffy and Norbert. In the evening she had dinner with the few other students in the Great Hall. The House Tables and the Staff Table had been removed so the teachers and students that were staying at the school shared one table for every meal from now on until the end of the holidays. In her opinion teachers were humans just as anyone else.

On her way up to the third corridor she heard steps behind her. She turned around. It was Snape. She smiled and looked around. There was nobody there so she waited so he could catch up with her, but he just passed her by and saw him stepping onto the spiral staircase up to Dumbledore's office. She was surprised that he was still here. He hadn't been attending supper so she had assumed that he was already gone. Obviously he had to talk to Dumbledore. She sighed lightly and entered her room. Since it was still early she decided to do some of the homework. Not that it was much but she didn't feel tired and she needed something to do. So it happened that it was only 10:30 PM when she was already done. Practising charms could wait. She stretched. Since there wasn't much to do, she decide that she could as well go to bed. While she was undressing someone knocked at the door.

"Yes?"

"It's me." It was Snape's voice.

"Oh ah one moment."

She hurried to pull her pyjama from under her blanket but she already heard him say the password and push the handle, so she just grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around her. He closed the door and raised an eyebrow when he saw her like that but then noticed her clothes over the backrest of the armchair and a panty on the floor that was waiting to be stuffed into the laundry box. He turned around and was about to leave again.

Quickly she moved towards him and reached out one hand to grab his cloak. "No wait! - Uahh" Unfortunately she stumbled over the blanket and was on the verge of falling.

He swung around and leapt forward to catch her. "You shouldn't have done this." He looked away.

She knelt on the floor in his arms but in order to not hurt herself seriously she had let go of the blanket and while he had caught her it had slid down to her belly. "Uhm – thank you..." He was still looking away and now she noticed why. "You should have waited a moment before coming in."

"Obviously."

She detached herself from him and let go of the blanket completely. He was looking away anyways so it didn't matter. She walked over to her bed and found a nightshirt instead of a pyjama. She only now also noticed that house-elves had changed her sheets to the ones she had on her bed when she had 'arrived' in Hogwarts. She grabbed the nightshirt and pulled it over her head then walked over to Snape again who was still looking away.

"It's okay. I'm dressed."

He turned his head towards her again. In the dim light of the torches over her desk she could see that he was blushing.

"Don't feel embarrassed. It's not that I mind that you see me like that."

"It's still...inappropriate."

She sighed quietly. "Anyways. Why are you here?"

He walked past her and towards the desk pretending to look at her homework. "I...wanted to see you again – before I return to my residence over the holidays."

"Oh." She didn't know what else to say.

He took a deep breath, turned around and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again immediately.

She felt a little nervous and looked down spotting the panty. She bowed down, grabbed it and stuffed it into the laundry box then she turned towards him again and gave him a crooked smile. "Ehehe..."

"Come here."

She slowly approached him. For some reason she felt uneasy. Possibly it was only the shock of the fall. When she was close enough he reached out for her and pulled her into a tight hug as if he was afraid she could run away from him. She wrapped her arms around his waists and they stood there like that for a while before he finally let go of her but she didn't let go of him. She kept her arms wrapped around his waists and just looked up to him. "Kiss me..." she whispered softly and to her surprise he submitted to that demand. The kiss was long and started as gentle as the kiss in the morning, before Dumbledore had disturbed them, and became more passionate over time. When he finally detached his lips from hers her breath trembled a little and once again that tingling sensation started to spread through her body.

He noticed her trembling breath. "Are – are you alright?" He was apparently afraid that he might have almost suffocated her.

She nodded vaguely and smiled. "I haven't felt this good for a while..." she whispered.

"I was worried for a moment." He either tried to ignore what she had been hinting at or he just hadn't noticed it at all.

She decided to find out. She took his hand and placed it on her chest close to her breasts and pushed it down with gentle force pretty much how he had done it the previous night. "Can you feel it?"

His hand trembled laying so close to her breasts but he could feel her fast heartbeat so he nodded. "I – I can." His voice quivered a little.

She let go of his hand and he immediately retracted it.

"Now – kiss me again..." she said hinting a whisper.

This time he didn't submit to that demand. He just looked away.

She had somewhat expected something like this to happen so she wasn't overly disappointed.

She stepped away from him and over to her bed before she went to pick up her blanket from the floor. She neatly folded it back on her bed. He watched her - silently. When she was done she stood there at the foot end of her bed for a while looking at him eventually reaching out her arms. With a lot of hesitation he approached her and she once again wrapper her arms around his waists. He lowered his head and looked down as if he wanted to watch how she did it. Then he raised his head again and took another deep breath with eyes closed. She noticed that his breath was quivering. When he opened his eyes again there was something glaring in there for a moment before they went back to their usually fathomless expression.

"I have to leave now." He sounded casual.

"I see." She sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Suddenly he pulled her into his arms again and gave her another passionate kiss before walking over to her door. He turned around again. "I can't give you more than that. Not – not yet."

"I understand." She walked over to him and gave him a light hug. "So I guess this is good bye?"

"For now – yes. I won't be coming to the school during holidays."

"I figured so much." She tried to smile.

"Don't be angry with me." It almost sounded like he was pleading.

She shook her head. "I'm not."

"You look disappointed."

"I would lie if I said I wasn't."

He sighed. "Look..."

She silenced him by putting a finger on his lips again shaking her head. "It's okay. Really. I was just honest."

He took her hand. "I appreciate your honesty."

She smiled. "Well I don't want to keep you any longer."

He let go of her hand and kissed her a last time. "I see you next term. Await my owl for the next lesson appointment."

She nodded.

He opened the door and stepped outside before he left he looked at her a last time. "Happy Holidays." He whispered and then rushed down the corridor and vanished around the corner.

She closed the door and smiled though she actually felt somewhat sad. She closed the windows and the curtains and extinguished the torches with a wave of her wand before scrambling into her bed. For 6 long weeks she would be almost alone. Actually she was used to being alone. Before she had come here she had been alone for a very long time but now that she had been here for one year, and was about to spend more years, 6 weeks seemed to be like half and eternity. She wondered if her mother had reported her missing and how her flat might look like. She hadn't been there for a whole year. She turned around in her bed for quite a while thinking about home before she eventually fell asleep.


End file.
